Tuesday was such a busy day for me! I was speaking at a college group at 7pm and the Lord had been doing so much in my life on a personal level (that will be in the next post) but in short, the Lord was putting some things in motion in my life to be able to have a few extremely hard face to face conversations with some people from my past.
Since I hit Spokane I was non-stop meeting with people, it was the norm. BBQs, photo shoot, interviews tv/radio. Haha that sounds so... whatever but it's just the reality of my life right now. Oh and not to mention that the next day I had to be on a 6:30am flight to Seattle. I was busy busy busy! I say all that to emphasis that I was just beat/ dead...Out of gas so to speak. The events of the day had taken everything I had left.
I had arranged a few weeks prior to speak at a college bible study while in Spokane. My friend Aubrey had set it up for me and turned the whole thing into an event. There are 2 campuses for open Bible in Spokane so they put the 2 groups together and had a band play worship. After a super long and intense day, I got there about 5:30 and needed to refocus. I started going over my notes, prayed, but I just was not there. Wasn't vibing it at all. I thought it would be OK once worship started; that I could sing and find my way.
College group is different than any other group. The whole thing was supposed to go down at 7 (well at least that's what I was told) but we didn't even start till about 8pm. Worship finally started and I thought I only had 20-30 mins to get my heart and mind focused, but it went for about an hour. I started praying and singing. The worship was intense and that was perfect, exactly what I needed. Here's the picture, I'm in the very back of the room, pacing back and fourth (which is often what I do before I speak) I think it's nerves... I can't remember the words of the song exactly but It went something like " my flesh is weak, but Lord Your strong, You never fail" and I lost it! That was right where I was; how I was feeling. I was weak and empty. I had nothing left, but didn't want to waste this chance to share. I BEGGED God to do something, to show up... anything. I was so afraid to let these people down, to let God down. I didn't want to try too hard and sound super spiritual or fake. So I let it go and my heart had surrendered it. I was relying on God to show up. My mind was still scattered and I was still completely drained BUT I knew that Jesus and I were in it together.
The worship seemed to have played forever and I wanted so badly to just start. When it was finally my turn to get up there and speak I started out being as honest/ real as I could. I told them how drained I was and then invited them to pray with me. Now as of late, it seems like ever time I pray I cry and this time was no exception. It was a short simple prayer and I was holding back the tears as best I could.I'm a slow starter when I speak. Takes me a few moments before I really get into it. About 15 mins in, I started really leaning in to them. Talking like they are all going to the mission field and THE LORD SHOWED UP! It was crazy!!! I touched on so many things over that hour or so. At the end I prayed for them, that the Lord would keep them strong and not let the world steal there faith. Again in tears. Then I really wanted to sing "I love you Lord" a capella. So I called the worship leader up and I got to hear them sing to the Lord... Ahhh just melts me. After that, the leader came up and prayed for me. A bunch of people came up and surrounded me and prayed over me.. It was so great!After the service I headed out to the lobby to get a drink and a bunch of people came out and wanted to share with me what they had gotten out of my message. It was bananas, they practically formed a line to talk to me. One girl that stood out from amongst all of the people I spoke with came up to me crying; trying to keep it together. The Lord had spoke to her clearly about some stuff but she still had some fears and doubts. So we made a plan. She had a narrow window for her circumstance to work and I told her to quit school, put in her 2 weeks, pack her stuff and not to take no for an answer. Later I found out she was obedient to the Lord and now is where she's supposed to be. Everything worked out perfectly. How great is that!Later that night a group of us all went out to eat (have coffee) at a restaurant just up the road. I was sooo tired and had an early flight but it didn't matter. Walking through the parking lot I looked up at the stars and let out a deep breath. "Thank You God!"