Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Backing out.

After a few days hangin with Mitch and his family, I finally left Glens Ferry. I was headed out towards Twin Falls into another hot desert stretch. After walking most of the day I ran into a camp ground on the side of the freeway.  I thought it would be a good idea to stop for the day so I pulled in and was so warmly welcomed.  I paid for a camp site and settled in with LeeRoy. The camp site had wifi (haha camping/wifi?) so I watched  some NetFlix but after a few hours I started breaking down camp. I was wrestling with myself... frustrated and kind of angry.  There was so much on my mind! I needed to beat the streets and work some of that stuff out so even though I had already paid for a camp site, I headed back out on the high way.  I walked till late at night and set up camp on the side of the freeway. 

The next day I woke up early and walked  into Wendell. It was a Sunday and I so wanted to go to church! I prayed as I walked into town for a place to go and not even a half mile later I found a place.  As I walked up to the church I saw all these SUVs with shiny rims and perfect families all dressed up. They jumped out of their cars and head to the front door of the church. I looked up at the sign and saw that service started in 10 mins. I look back down and saw a few families staring at me from the front door of the church. I have no idea what they were really thinking and by now I should be used to people staring .

But I didn't go... I backed out. I was so embarrassed /shy and even now I get so bummed I backed out.  It's no ones fault but my own.  I should have gone! 

Now I don't know how you feel about spiritual warfare but this is it. The devil wants to separate us for the church, our church family and friends. In my case he wanted me to believe that I had no right to be there. He wanted me to believe that  those people were judging me. He was whispering a single thought to me "I don't belong here". I believed it. I bought in to the lie. I honestly walked away feeling ashamed of myself and LeeRoy. Once I was able to see the lie for what it was a few hours later the devil attacked yet again. He changed his tactic. It wasn't I don't belong and shame. Now it was "your a coward." Here's the kicker I have been a Christian long enough to know that this is the same lie that the enemy uses on me soooo many times. But the thing is that it all comes on so sudenly and it feels logical.  I know however this is not how the Lord is. Well not in the relationship I have with Him. He is always so merciful and gracious with me even when I don't deserve it. He doesn't  see me as a coward and He was not trying to shame me. 

Later that day I walked in to Jerome and received a text from a woman who heard about my journey from her sister. She invited me to stay with her and her family and I gladly excepted. I love those little surprise texts at the end of the day! Her husband picked me up at subway and we headed back to their house out in some farm land. We chatted and I enjoyed my time with them. The next day they took me back to subway and I did the last little few miles to Twin Falls. 


  1. Glad you found a blessing at the end of the day! I am curious though...did LeeRoy ride with you to their home? I know I have transported goats and other livestock in a variety of vehicles, but not everyone is willing to do so. :)

  2. My heart and prayers goes out to you man. I know just how you feel - I've felt out of place at my own church before, like God did not want me there. The devil can twist your thoughts around powerfully.