Monday, July 2, 2012

Snail pace...

Tomorrow is July 2nd, exactly two months from when I started. I thought I would be a lot further along then I am right now and its super frustrating. In the morning I wake up and I just want to walk… go fast and not stop but walking with a goat has proven to be a challenge. I find myself getting frustrated that LeeRoy is unable to walk faster and it wears my patients thin. Don't get me wrong, I'm not MAD at LeeRoy I just get angry because I feel like I'm getting no where at times. In 9 days I'm suppose to be in Boise but I'm not even to John Day yet. 

It seems crazy to get angry in this situation, but I put myself under pressure to be at certain places by certain times. I've never considered myself an angry person and rarely do things get to me but after a while I get physically and emotionally drained, cars getting way too close, the desert heat, constantly camping in uncomfortable situations and then LeeRoy walk at a snail pace… I've found my limit. Where my patience ends and frustration/anger begins.

Today I really wanted to walk 20 miles. I got up super early to beat the days heat and put the miles in. Its so strange, at times LeeRoy wants to run ahead of me and other days he gets stubborn and doesn't want to work at all. Today was one of those "no work" days. We started out well, everything was cool but after the first half mile he just slowed down way below our normal speed. I got so incredibly angry! I knew in my head I don't want to take it out on  him by pulling on his leash or forcing him to walk. So I slowed down a little bit, trying to keep us at 2 miles an hour. 2 miles an hour is nothing for us. Think about it, to get 20 miles in would be 10 hours of walking… not including the many breaks and lunch in between. All of that adds up to a very long day.

Anyway, I got so frustrated… I was clinching my fists and gritting my teeth, trying to talk myself out of this emotion. It seems so trivial… not like anything I would ever get angry about. This doesn't happen often and I never see it coming… I don't know what to think about it. Is it suppressed emotion or feelings from my past??? Do I have an anger issue that I've never notice before? One thing is for sure, this walk is revealing things about myself that I've never known before.

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