Monday, November 11, 2013

Monday Blues

I remember hearing this quote, "The greatest tragedy of life is that you don't remember it all".

 That is soo how I feel right now. Not just with this project but my entire life. I have been able to do so much and see so much of the world. In my short 34 years of life I have lived enough adventures for 5 life times. The thing is, it all reads in my head like a check list or a bucket list. Lines on a resume more than vivid pictures of what happened and all the details in save somewhere in my mind.

That said here are some memories I have seemed to keep safe in my mind. There is this term I learned in bible college. "Monday blues". The idea is that a lot of pastors spend most of their time pouring out all week and Sunday they have the final push to empty themselves and serve the body of believers. By Sunday night, they are emotionally drained and on Monday the get the blues. Not because the message didn't go well; it may have been the best message they have ever given. Its just .... emptiness. They have poured themselves out.

My friend Sarah told me about it. She chaged my life and has been one of the most influential people when it comes to sharing my faith.  She showed me how it was done and would always put me in positions to do the work with my own hands. Early on in our friendship we had some crazy times of ministry. There was this one week I'll never forget. She had me sharing at a youth detention center, then the next day we were downtown feeding the homeless at the Union Gosple Mission. That Sunday night she had me doing childcare at the church while she taught a class. Everytime we went anywhere she always seemed to find someone down and out and we would end up in some dark ally praying for someone. 

I was seeing the gospel being lived out in her and through her. That same Sunday night we were driving across a bridge that went over the I-5 freeway. I saw a lady about to jump off the bridge so I yelled STOP THE CAR. We both jumped out and ran over to her. We talked to her; Sarah and I tag teaming the conversation. The lady was clearly talking to Sarah way more than me so I walked away to call the police. While on the phone, Sarah was standing between her and the edge of the bridge with her arms spread trying to not let her jump. I ran back over to help talk to her till the authorities got there. They ended up taking her to the hospital to get evaluated. The very next day after class Sarah and I went to this Thai restaurant for lunch. I was bummed and she could see it. That's when she told me about the Monday blues. Sarah pointed me to Jesus... "dude this is how it's done. You give all you got and then when your spent you get alone with Jesus and He fills you up. The trick is to get alone with Him on a daily basis. It makes the Monday blues a little easier to deal with". I can't tell you how many times those words have played in my mind. A process I'm still trying to perfect.

Reflecting back on those times is defenetly something I needed to do. Like a refresher course. I need to pray with more people.

 Anyway .....The last 2 weeks have been nothing short of amazing. The most successful time in spreading the word of what we are trying to do. Our story has been picked up by the Associated Press (AP) and out of that local stations all over  the nation have been running our story. Even CNN  picked up our story. An amazing blessing and wonderful opportunity.  I can't even put into words how much joy this brings me!

With the this new national attention comes sooooooo many messages, emails, phone calls and text messages.  I literally don't have a second to myself. Now when I'm stopped on the street it's not just 2-3 people but 10-15 people. Cars line up in parking lots as I walk by them and its game time. And I have been at the top of my game! Flawless. It took me 6 hours to walk 2 miles the other day. And I'm honestly proud of that. I have answers for just about every question including the wired ones. I can hand anyone that comes my way. I've learned how to navigate all the conversations and bring it back to Jesus and Uzima Outreach. I can deescalate the haters and handle the weirdos. Treating them all with respect while keeping it fun and informational. I know what I'm doing now.

But it takes a lot of work to do it all and it comes at a price. I am "on" 100% of the time now. So today I'm empty. And have a touch of the Monday blues.

There is a song that has destroyed me today... Left me a crying mess... It's by a band called filter - the song is called take a picture. Here's a few lines from it.

Can everyone agree that no one should be left alone
Can everyone agree that they should not be left alone
And I feel like a newborn
And I feel like a newborn (kicking and screaming)

Could you take my picture
Cause I won't remember
Could you take my picture
Cause I won't remember
Could you take my picture
Cause I won't remember
Could you take my picture
Cause I won't remember - yeah

Hey dad what do you think about your son now?
Hey dad what do you think about your son now?

The cord progression and tones of the guitar are prefect and very moving. I love the melody too.

"Could take my picture cause I won't remember "

And the bridge kills me! In fact, I looked up the words and lost it. The very second I glanced through not even reading the words I just saw the word dad and started crying like a little child. The singer pushes his voice to a yell and it's soooo emotional.... I feel the tension in every note and word.

"Hey dad what do you think about your son now?"

When I'm empty when I'm poured out. I'm always left with this feeling. It's almost like its in my DNA.

1 I'm a lone wolf that desperately wants a pack.

2 I so badly wish I could remember and celebrate the successes of my life.

3 I want someone to be proud of me. Well not just someone... I want a dad to be proud of me. Not my step day cause he's a tool! My real father... who is dead. But I do hope he would be. And even though I have looked for a "father figure" in my life it has never worked out. Even though my father is dead, I don't want to betray him in anyway by trying to have someone less try and take his place in my heart. And thank God for that because when I really think about it, I truly just want Jesus to be proud of me. Not a man.

Being alone with Jesus is the only way to cure the Monday blues.

Now all glory to God, who is able to make you strong, just as my Good News says.....  (Romans 16:25 NLT)

1 comment:

  1. Steve, What a great testimony of God's faithfulness is in your writing today. The Monday Blues come into all of our lives with the only remedy being Time with our Lord Jesus. I thank God for the crossing of our life paths, we do think of you often & keep you in our prayers. I listened to some songs as well that God has used to touch deep into my heart because of life experiences that the Lord has carried me thru. We count our time of fellowship with you as a wonderful blessing from God. Press on dear brother in the Lord. Rick