tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77179024156241724212024-03-19T05:28:51.597-07:00Needle2SquareNeedle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.comBlogger127125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-15733574584071717562014-10-07T10:41:00.000-07:002014-10-07T15:13:34.338-07:00Deer Trail 9/1/14<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">After leaving Denver, life seemed to calm down a lot. There just didn’t seem to be a lot of excitement. All the towns were about 10-15 miles apart. And by towns I mean a grain silo, a handful of houses and a gas station if I’m lucky. So I had to find ways to entertain myself. I don’t know where I got this idea, but I decided I would try and learn a second language via Rosetta Stone. The only thing about Rosetta Stone is it’s so expensive. So I decided to get the less expensive and less good version (yes, less good haha). This video is very funny to me! You can hear how bad my Russian is...Haha. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a story that happened when I walked from Byers into Deer Trail, Colorado. Deer Trail is a very, very small town. If I remember right, it has a population of like 561 (I looked that up...haha). The day I got there, two things were happening. One, they were having a tractor pull. In light of that, there were more people in Deer Trail than normal. Number two, the town was having a vote on a unique proposal that highlighted the displeasure of the government surveillance which would have allowed people to get licensing to shoot down drones in local air space. So, the little town of Deer Trail was having this big debate. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjjDUR-Iel1bFr9RHsZaNv8VZDQ2yQvmUtFkC8dDKIG-h2wee6lu4eO9tQdnf7l529-W5PxGmgpY2jGr0Su_6OOXctOzwWKoi2HlvJmdLmM0mVR_QcBwti5uxgfwVJOzfRg585V5jF9Z8/s1600/1001243_554745351260042_1903408298_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjjDUR-Iel1bFr9RHsZaNv8VZDQ2yQvmUtFkC8dDKIG-h2wee6lu4eO9tQdnf7l529-W5PxGmgpY2jGr0Su_6OOXctOzwWKoi2HlvJmdLmM0mVR_QcBwti5uxgfwVJOzfRg585V5jF9Z8/s1600/1001243_554745351260042_1903408298_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So we are walking West to East on Highway 40 into Deer Trail. The city is mostly on the left hand side. The right hand side is really just a field with a gazebo in it. That’s what they call their city park. I decided that I would try to camp under that gazebo because I knew there was going to be a storm that night. I walked over and set my stuff down under the gazebo then sat on my backpack and looked across the street at the city and examined it. Across the street was a diner/bar and beside it was a vacant lot. Next to that looked like an abandoned mechanics shop. I could tell it didn’t ever have gas pumps, but it looked like a place that had fixed cars at one time. There were a lot of trucks pulled up in front, a lot of people outside smoking and they waved me over because they wanted to talk about the goat. It was the same old conversation..."What are you doing? What are you doing this for?"...blah blah blah. I could break the whole dialogue down for you, but I get tired of talking about the same conversation I have with people in every blog. One thing led to another, they invited me in to have some food and have a drink. </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Okay, picture it: I’m in the bar with the mayor, some city councilmen and a few locals. To be honest, that was probably all of the people in the city government. First of all, everybody is pretty drunk at this point. They all surround me and mumble out a bunch of questions and I am trying to explain what I am doing. I usually don't take drunk people very seriously. Once I know they are hammered, I just think "Okay, here we go." I just don't really invest as much time into the situation.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, the mayor and a couple of city council members start going so hard about Obama-Care towards me. Then, they start asking me why I am helping people in another country when we have people who are in need here. I try to explain that I don't see borders, I see humanity. We are all humans; we are all alike in dignity. God created us all alike in dignity and just because they live somewhere else or live in another country doesn't stop me from wanting to help people in need. It isn't like I don't help in our communities. I help whenever I can in local communities and serve in any way I can. He starts yelling at me, "You know, we have people in need here," and I say, "I understand that, sir. If you feel so strongly about it, you should do something about it. You should get involved in your community." Now, I know in a small community like Deer Trail, maybe it's more difficult to to find ways to get involved, but I was encouraging this guy to get involved in his community. The other part I always tell people is that I am a Christian and this is what God told me to do. So, if you have a problem with it, you need to talk to God about it. I am just doing what I am told.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then the mayor goes off and somehow this whole drone thing gets brought up by somebody else and it goes crazy! Someone on the city council and the mayor just start yelling about government over-reaching, big brother, total chaos and they look at me and start asking, "What do you think?" I honestly had no idea what they were talking about.</span><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I kind of get removed from the topics or the issues of the day because I don't really follow the news too closely when I am out on the road; I don't often get a chance. So, I didn't know anything about these drone strikes in other countries or flying overhead in the United States and spying on people.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Honestly, they were so drunk, they weren't making any sense. I was pulled into this conversation and I am talking about things that I have no idea about. The whole time, I am trying to figure out what is going on. I am thinking, "Drone robots? Like Star Wars, the drone wars or whatever. I don't get what you guys are even talking about." I excuse myself so I can go to the bathroom…</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I came back from the bathroom I did my best to excuse myself so I could go set up camp under the gazebo. </span></div>
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<br />Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-13870981759421606762014-09-10T17:09:00.003-07:002014-09-10T17:10:41.626-07:00Watkins 9/10/14<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV56sDNx6k4As2Y6KF82_iIo69wwl3wMdGBFspFzTrmbrS4JQXP1tZiarK5sMjTYyg19UrROY0ny2RLllMLyqlqFDYez07dqEpMs5joxSm6yr6b6FcsMlb0kHprOUJEyM455BI2yWJoKo/s1600/1001199_552753278125916_819440372_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV56sDNx6k4As2Y6KF82_iIo69wwl3wMdGBFspFzTrmbrS4JQXP1tZiarK5sMjTYyg19UrROY0ny2RLllMLyqlqFDYez07dqEpMs5joxSm6yr6b6FcsMlb0kHprOUJEyM455BI2yWJoKo/s1600/1001199_552753278125916_819440372_n.jpg" height="320" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a>Just continuing on my little adventure. I had just left Denver and I walked through Watkins which is just this little town. I mean, it was really great actually. Watkins was probably one of my more favorite towns. It was in the middle of nowhere with just a truck stop. Mostly everything was abandoned. I walked from Watkins to Bennett and this was during the time when they were having all that flooding in Boulder, Colorado in 2013. There were literally crazy storms going on. The most wild storms you have ever seen! Just before I got to Watkins, the storm was so wild. Sand and dirt were being picked up from the ground and were hitting you as well as rain, just incredible rain. There was nothing out there; it was just flat. There were no trees and no shelter. It was really unique; a really unique time in the project because of all these storms. Every night, every day, just storm after storm after storm so we were forced to try and get hotels as often as we could just to stay protected during these storms. One storm in particular, it was so bad I thought that we were in some serious danger. There was no bush or anything on the ground; there were no trees and there was really nothing to protect ourselves. It seemed like the storms came out of nowhere. All of sudden the sand and dust would be blowing over the road and you couldn't see anything. You literally couldn't see in front of you it was such a bad storm. The rain was coming down and then it would stop and the wind would come and it was just this mix of rain and dust and sand and wind and it was so chaotic. This one time there was literally nothing to shelter LeeRoy and I so we went over to this barbed wire fence post and I remember getting LeeRoy kind of underneath my poncho and just hanging on with my hands wrapped up in the poncho and kind of making this little shelter that covered LeeRoy and I. He is getting freaked out and trying to move around and I am kind of freaked out. Probably for about 30 minutes it rained and we are just completely soaked; I mean just head to toe. There is sand blowing everywhere and all over our bodies. It was pandemonium! Probably the worst storm we have been in so far. It was crazy because every morning we would wake up and it would be kind of be bright and sunny, but then I would have all these alerts on my phone that said severe storm warning coming. Literally every night for about three weeks there were these crazy, wild storms. It was wild; probably some of the most wild times. <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/PBvd00Hmx6g?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe>When I was in Watkins, this friend of mine named TJ who makes skateboards had sent me one. He sent me this skateboard to kind of cruise around the cities. That was really cool, you know. I believe that was pretty close to my birthday because I remember at the same time I had received...wow was that my birthday? Was my birthday in Denver? I think my birthday might have been in Denver. I can't remember. Anyways, I had received a gift from my friend. Wow, how did I get that gift? Aubrey Roy, how did you get that gift to me? Anyways, I had received a gift from Aubrey and when I was in Watkins...I must have got it in Watkins. Crazy! Anyways, I was able to get my gift and she sent me some cool things. I hung out and had some fun at the truck stop in Watkins. You know, it was crazy. Emotionally speaking, I kind of felt like I was in a weird place. Looking back, I kind of see my mentality was weird. I wasn't really focused like I wanted to be. I got this skateboard and cruised around and made a little video about this skateboard. It was pretty awesome; pretty funny. I really enjoyed it. I carried it for a while, I really did. I carried that skateboard for a while.<br />
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<br />Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-34690251639946698932014-09-04T06:22:00.000-07:002014-09-04T08:17:18.224-07:00Rap 9/1/14This is another story from the road. This story is a longer then most of mine others but the end is so funny!<br />
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I think we have had a lot of success lately and a lot of awesome things happen. For me, I like to keep it balanced. Ha! Ok that is a lie I am not a very balanced person. however in an attempt to be balanced I want to also talk about the "fails". I mean, to talk about things that aren't just the successes of the project or personal successes or personal growth, but also keep in focus all of the things that could be improved. I would consider myself pretty good a conflict resolution. I think, for the most part, I am good in stressful situations and I am good at handling difficult people. However, I am blogging about three incidences over the couple of years where I could have done better. To me, honestly, I think these stories are funny. I look back, and I laugh at myself for acting so ridiculously. <br />
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I am going to start off with this one particular moment; again, to me it is just funny. We are going all the way back to Denver I was walking down 16th Street in the morning. I was heading out of town, getting ready to just really make my charge towards Kansas City. Now, up until this point I have had a great time in Denver. I had an enjoyable time hanging out with Cash and Jackie and people that came out; Lindsey and just really enjoyed my time there. Another great person I got to hang out with was Ashley. She was so kind to me, helped me and LeeRoy out; it was amazing. <br />
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So, I wake up early and I am heading out of town; walking through downtown Denver on my way out. As I am walking through the park right before I hit 16th Street, this lady starts following me with her dog. I keep a eye on her mainly because she has her dog, I am always very aware of people who have dogs around us. I go out of my way to go way around her. I keep walking and we get towards the end of the park. She started following me and keeps following me as I leave the park. I go across the street and head towards 16th Street. I look back and that she doesn't have a very pleasant look on her face so I decide to engage her. I say, "Hey, how ya doin?" The lady looks at me and says, "What are you doing?" I tell her my story and her immediate reaction is, "That is not something that a goat is capable of." I say, "Okay, well we have walked all the way here from Seattle and he has been doing great." She keeps asking me questions and is really giving me the 3rd degree about the goat and I keep reassuring her that I take very good care of him. I make sure he is healthy; watch his hooves. I try to help her understand that I go to great lengths to take care of LeeRoy. She doesn't seem to be listening to me. I can see this girl is going to give me trouble. She finally says to me, "I work for PETA." And I reply, "Figures." She says, "I am really concerned about your goat." I tell her, "Well, feel free to call animal control or anybody else that you need to call, but I am going to head on down the road here." <br />
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That was the beginning of my morning. It only got worse. I kept on walking on 16th Street through Denver. Now, as I am walking down 16th Street, about five blocks I was surrounded by four motorcycle cops. No joke! The first thing they said to me was, "Hey man you were told not to bring your llama down here." I said, "I am sorry, I don't have a llama." The guy says, "Listen, you have been told multiple times this is not okay. You need to leave." I said to him, "Well I think you have me confused because for number one, this isn't a llama and number two, I am not from here. I have never been talked to by the cops whatsoever." He takes my ID. We are going through the same Ol questions; "What are you doing, blah, blah, blah." Finally, he gives my ID back, I give him a card. He tells me, "You can't walk on 16th Street. You need to go over to 15th Street." Then he tells me a story about a guy who two weeks earlier had been downtown Denver with two llamas and the llamas got away and caused an accident and all this chaos and no one could catch these llamas. So, since then, they are real strict on having farm animals downtown Denver. I laughed. I said, "He isn't necessarily a farm animal. He is more of a pack animal or service animal, but I understand and I will make sure to get onto 15th Street and will start walking there." We end up taking a bunch of pictures together and then I make my way over to 15th Street. <br />
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Now, I get towards the edge of 15th Street. There is a 7-11 and I want to get myself something to drink. I tie LeeRoy to a flag pole out front go in, get myself a drink, I come out and there are people all around. As I am talking and tell my story to everyone this lady comes out of nowhere in a full head to toe peach pant suit. She is a shorter woman, she is probably in her late 30's, early 40's. Again, she is in a full-on peach pant suit with white high heels. She has white pearls on. She is yelling! walking up to me screaming about llamas. She says, "You were told by the police not to bring your llamas down here!" I said, "Listen ma'am, I am so sorry. I think you have me confused with someone else. This isn't a llama and I was just talking to the police." She answers back, "You have to get out of here right now. It is not appropriate for you to bring you llama down here." I said, "Ma'am, first of all, this isn't a llama, this is a goat and I just talked to the police." She answers again, "You need to leave right now! Get your llama and get out of here!" I said, "Ma'am, THIS IS NOT A LLAMA! I just talked to the police. Look, give them a call. I just talked with them a minute ago on 16th Street." She replies, "You can't keep bringing your animals down here!" I reply, "Ma'am, that's not me; I am not that guy! I am trying to walk across America with a goat." This whole time, she is yelling at me and then she gets other people to start yelling at me. She starts yelling at the guy that worked at 7-11. Now, I know that it is kind of a stereotype to say that 7-11's have middle eastern people workng for them. But this guys was actually from the there. She yells at the 7-11 guy who is standing at the door and says, "He is not supposed to be down here with his llama." So he yells at me in this middle eastern accent, "You need to get you llama out of here!" First of all, when he yelled it, somehow I automatically thought of The Simpson's. I totally laughed! Now, he is yelling at me, this lady is yelling at me; I can't even understand what everybody is saying, but they are all basically yelling at me to leave. So, I start yelling back at this lady. I say, "LADY, IT'S NOT A LLAMA!" I yell at her pretty loud and I am getting stressed out! I am throwing my hands up, they are throwing their hands up and everybody is yelling. I tell her, "I am trying to leave! You are in my way! I have been trying to get out of here. You are in my way. I am trying to leave! It's not a llama!" I finally just start yelling at everybody, "IT'S NOT A LLAMA, IT'S A GOAT! IT'S NOT A LLAMA!" Then out of no where the lady stops yelling and pull out a cell phone to take a picture... I yell "REALLY. YOUR GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE".... so I posed and smiled with my thumbs up... Finally, I just start walking away. I walk around everybody as they keep yelling random stuff. As I walk away I yell back at the lady "MAKE SURE YOU POST THAT ON YOUR FACEBOOK. NEEDLE2SQUARE!!!". Now, side note--this is one of the stories I was going to start out telling.<br />
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Anyways I keep walking. I get about four blocks down the road and some more cops show up. They pull up next to me and say, "Hey man, you are not allowed to bring your llama downtown." I literally laughed out loud! I am like, "What are you talking about? This is a goat, sir. It is not a llama. I am leaving town. I have already been talked to." Again, I keep walking and now I get probably a good 2 or 3 miles outside of downtown Denver on Colfax. Then, another police officer comes and pulls me over. I hand him a card and he says he has actually heard about me. He says, "I love what you are doing and I want to tell you something." He says, "Listen, I am supposed to hold you until animal control gets here, but I am going to let you go because I love what you are doing." He warns me, "They are coming to ticket you and take the goat. I am just letting you know." He continues, "if you can stay away from animal control, you will be okay." I shake the man's hand, I am very grateful to the police officer and I keep walking. Colfax is a main, busy road, so I get off and I am walking through alleys. Usually animal control either has a van or mostly a truck with this thing on the back that has compartments where they can put the animals. I usually know what animal control looks like. I am walking down alleys and every time I see a truck or a van, I instantly try and hide behind a dumpster or some trashcans, or buildings so I won't be seen. So now I am basically running from animal control as I leave downtown Denver. <br />
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As I cross into Aurora, little kids start following me on their bikes. I tell them, "Please get away. I don't want to attract any attention right now." This one little kid keeps following me and every time a car would drive by and stop, the little kid would go over to the car and listen to them call the police. Then he would ride up to me and say, "Hey, that guy is calling the police." <br />
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Eventually, we get to a strip mall just on the edge of downtown Aurora. Behind this building is just a bunch of people. I know that I can't go much further without resting, but I also need to hide out. Okay, number 1, this is the God's honest truth. This is how it goes down. I walk up behind this building that has a bunch of people outside smoking. Now, first of all, I have never heard the "F" word so much in my entire life! I can't tell if they are mad or freaked out or what; it is just a weird situation. I roll up to this group of black guys and they are all just talking to me. I tell them, "Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I am kind of running from the cops right now. Is there any chance we could go inside and hang out?" It turns out, this is a recording studio! We hide inside for the rest of the day. They take me into this rap studio. I mean, this is full on, full scale rap studio status; like hard core rap. Everybody has a rap name. The guy who runs it is the Hoodfather. He is everything that you think the Hoodfather would look like. He is big and if you can just picture it in your mind; that is probably as close to the reality of what you think the Hoodfather would look like. Ha-Ha-Ha!!! Oh man, looking back; such good times!!! Anyways, I honestly was intimidated. We are hanging out, LeeRoy is in the studio in the stairwell area. It's this little entryway. He is sitting down drinking water; you know he is just chillin. Everybody is freaking out because the goat is in the studio. So, while I am there I tell them I want to do a rap song. We go downstairs into the studios and everybody is rapping so hard; crazy stuff. It is everything you picture. It's so stereotypical, it's like a movie! I walking into a movie! Literally, there are couches and microphones and control rooms where the people who do the recording are at. There are brown paper bags of liquor literally; they are drinking and smoking weed and rapping; like freestyle rapping. You can't imagine how it felt. I am in a studio with freestyle rappers and there is the goat and it just so surreal, I can't even explain my life. This is a movie moment! <br />
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So, here is the thing. Just a side note in the middle of the story. Being a musician for as long as I have, I really invested a lot of time into music. I played the guitar, bass, a couple other things, but I am not very good. I will just say that. I got pretty lucky in music; not because I was good but because I was just in the right place at the right time. Anyways, I have a real love affair with music in general so one of the things I do is I find instrumental beats with no words and while I walk, I have been trying to learn how to freestyle rap. Number 1, picture for a moment, a dirt road, a guy with a goat, I am wearing headphones just rapping about my life with the goat. It's in the middle of a corn field, in the middle of nowhere. I think about that thought. Like if somebody was behind me watching this moment, how hilarious that would be! Some white kid walking with a goat, freestyle rapping...HA! HA! HA! Oh, it's hilarious. <br />
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I had been practicing my freestyle rap. Truth be told, I am horrible at it! I might be able to put a couple of lines together that are kind of hot, but you get past that and it just gets really lame. We are in the basement back room in this rap studio and everybody is just freestyle rapping. They are all freestyle rapping. They pass the mic to me. So I go for it and start freestyling. I literally get two lines out and I try and pass the mic and they are laughing hysterically because it it is incredibly whack; it is incredibly lame! One of the kids there challenges me to a rap battle. Basically a rap battle is you make fun of the other person and try to burn them and make them feel stupid through rhymes. First of all, I am not that negative of a guy so when I freestyle rap, I keep it positive. I don't cuss and I try and basically make other people feel good I guess. So this guy, man I wish I would have video-taped this. I don't know what I was thinking. So this guy comes up to me and says, "Alright, let's go, freestyle battle." I say, "Yeah, alright, let's battle." Actually I am really uncomfortable doing the rap battle and I am not excited. They asked me, "Do you want a beat or do you just want to freestyle?" I tell them, "You know, I feel comfortable with a beat." The beat starts going. I think to myself, "If I don't go first and he just tears it up, I am going to feel super stupid." I tell them I will go first. So, the beat is going and I am just bobbing my head, everybody is silent, and I just keep saying,<br />
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"Yeah, ok, here we go. <br />
Alright, yeah. Uh-huh, okay. <br />
Wait just a second, I am almost ready. Yeah, uh-huh, okay, word.<br />
Alright, I am gonna go in, here we go." <br />
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Then, I don't exactly remember what I said, but it was something like,<br />
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"My name is Steve and I walk with a goat. <br />
I'm trying to do some cool things, bring some hope.<br />
And you're real cool, I like you shoes. <br />
Please don't beat me up because I am white in the hood..."<br />
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or something. That was it, I couldn't get further than that and everybody just starts laughing hysterically. I start laughing; I am totally embarrassed. Then this guy goes. He calms everybody down and starts his freestlye. He is legitimately making fun of me just going so hard at me. It was one of those things where you know you are getting made fun of, but it is so funny that you laugh. I was laughing at maybe some of the meanest, first of all, most racist stuff I have heard said towards me, but somehow it was funny in that moment. Somehow that made me a part of the group. We were all just laughing and had some fun. One thing led to another and I told them, "Listen, I want to put a rap down." I had this beat and they loaded it up and I just went into the studio booth and wrote this song. We spent like five hours on it. I think its pretty funny; I like it. At the end of the night, it is getting dark and I ended up getting a ride to a host family and that was the end of that day.<br />
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What is the point of this story? My point of the story was going to be talking about how I could handle conflicts better, but instead I just ended up telling you about my last day in Denver. So, anyways, yeah; good times!<br />
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this video is about me in the studio...<br />
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<br />Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-48445354565003037792014-08-31T10:11:00.000-07:002014-09-07T07:21:12.278-07:00On my knees Something that I try to do, but haven't been so successful at in the past; but something that I am really trying to do this year is trying to invest a lot more in prayer. I would like to say I am good at praying and I pray often, but I'm not. I'm weak; my mind scatters quickly. However, on the way into Boonville, I felt I wanted to pray for the city in general. Here's a fact about Uzima Outreach. It started in prayer. In fact, my best friend ST and I just had a talk about this.<br />
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He said to me, "Uzima started with a few of us on our knees in prayer before the Lord. We are getting back to that and I can't tell you all the crazy things the Lord has been doing because of it."<br />
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To be honest, Needle2Square didn't exactly start like that. But that is how it will end. With me and all the staff of N2S on their knees. With that said, I have really invested into praying just before I get to a city. Specifically praying for the city and the people and for opportunities to share. I honestly have seen a difference . Now, I never really know what to expect so I try and be ready for anything; whatever is going to come my way. While in Boonville, I had an opportunity to stay at this host family's home. They have tons of goats. It's a beautiful farm. They fed me. They were amazing and kind and generous and fun and happy. Towards the end of one of the nights, I got to talk with one of their daughters. She is about 20; she is going to school--super smart, very creative, very artistic. I mean she can draw just about anything. She is a really happy person. Her room is filled with hundreds and hundreds of books, any kind of book series; all the popular ones...books everywhere. She also has over 500 movies, and she has watched all of them. We were talking, and what I love about my project is the "why" question. Because I get to explain and bring my faith into the project. You can't talk about my project, you can't talk about Uzima, you can't talk about Needle2Square really without getting to this point where people want to know the underlying, What is all this about?" I always get to come back to my faith and, of course, that always brings more questions and we get to go into deeper issues. There are always questions that people have about the Gospel. It has forced me to have a deeper knowledge about it. If I don't, people are quick to dismiss what I say. And then, it's my turn to do some questioning and ask them some questions.<br />
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One night we were up late talking; talking about the Lord, sharing my faith. What I hear so often is people want to be happy. But I propose this, you can't have happiness without purpose. You can't just live a cushy comfortable life and be happy. That's not the source of happiness. You need to have purpose. Purpose, identity is what gives you happiness. She talked about school and what she is going to do when she grows up but in her answer I could see this deep sense of not knowing. I could also see that she was trying to make here family happy. People want her to be a nurse, people want her to do this or that. And I felt like it was my opportunity to kind of share what I know about purpose. I explained to her that I lived a pretty good life for the most part. Playing music and touring. It wasn't without its tragedies, however, it was pretty good. I explained my relationship with God and about faith. We talked about the Gospel. She used to be Catholic and she finally broke down at one point and said she was angry at God. She talked about wanting to commit suicide. She had attempted it five times. She talked about seeing people be hypocrites in the church. And that is something that I always get, this hypocrite kind of comment. "There are so many hypocrites in the church." And I always think, "Was your faith based on other people or based on your personal relationship with the Lord? Is it based on what the pastor tells you or do you have a personal relationship with the Lord?" Because if it's based on what other people do, like your pastor, or your friends, I am convinced that the weeds of life will choke out the seeds that were planted in your heart. In fact, that is low-hanging fruit for the Enemy. He sees that and thinks, "Their faith won't last"! Are the roots of your faith planted deep enough? For me... it doesn't matter what everybody else does. There is a song that I remember back from the late 1990's, early 2000's within the church community, and there is this line that says, "Though 10,000 fall by my side I will still stand, for You are my God." So here's my question to you. If your pastor falls, do you fall? Are you following God or a man?" People always say, "The church hurt me." Okay, but did God purposefully try and hurt you? Is this God trying to hurt you or did a fallible, sinful man or group of people hurt you?<br />
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I had this girlfriend once who had a sister and the sister and I never got along. In fact, the whole family didn't like me. But does that mean I am mad at her (my girlfriend) and I take it out on my girlfriend if the family doesn't like me? Does that mean since they don't like me I don't like her? My point is this, I wasn't in love with her dad, I was in love with her. I wasn't in love with her sister, I was in love with her. Are you in love with the people of the church or the programs at the church? Are you in love with the pastor or... ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH GOD? That's the reality. That's the question. Long story short, that night we debated a lot of different things and in the end we got out her Bible that had never been opened. Brand new. Beautiful. I put a marker in Psalm 103 and I handed her the Bible. I said, "Listen, the enemy is going to come for you now. He is going to try and steal the Truth that has been spoken into you tonight. The enemy and sin will keep you from this Book and this Book will keep you from the enemy and sin." I told her, "This is the Lord's love letter to you. This is His love letter." And I watched her grab it and there was that moment where she held it tightly and I prayed right then, "Lord, please don't let the enemy steal this moment. Don't let him come for her heart." She told me, "I don't want to wake up in the morning and not feel this way. I don't want to wake up; I don't want to lose this." And I just pointed her to God and that Book, the Bible. Lord, please keep her safe. Protect her heart and mind from the enemy. Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-49726581101046470532014-08-31T10:09:00.000-07:002014-08-31T10:09:24.989-07:00Circle of DeathThe next day I met up with this woman. Her mom had met me probably about two months earlier in Steamboat or maybe a month earlier in Steamboat Springs and I will never forget it. Her mom and her sister were driving a big white dodge and they pull up right in front of me and they step out and they hand me a very large sum of, well not a very large, but they handed me a big donation. They said hey, I am going to tell my daughter about you when you get to Denver. So when I got to Denver, she had already looked me up and we had met at this place downtown. It was great. We just sat, talked, shared stories; it was epic. I have a lot of fun talking to people. As we are walking it is starting to get dark we are going to go down town. I was supposed to meet Cash at this event called the Circle of Death. The Circle of Death is a bike ride and everybody meets at the end of this bike ride at this park downtown Denver and I guess they just ride around in a circle. Well, I ended up going to this Circle of Death and it was awesome. But on my way there, we were walking up 16th street during the nighttime. So, I was walking up 16th street and 16th street is the place where all the happening things are; bars, people hanging out, everybody having fun. We walk right up 16th street. She is with me, people are taking pictures and a guy on a pedicab pulls up next to me and he says, "Hey, I remember you. We met in Steamboat Springs." There is a common theme to these stories. I met a lot of people in Steamboat Springs. He says, "Hey, I met you in Steamboat Springs, I would like to give you a free ride up 16th street." Of course I say, "Yeah!" Now if you don't know what a pedicab is, it is a bicycle that has one front wheel and two back wheels and across those two back wheels is a bench that you sit on and has a place to put your feet. Well, the first question is, how do you get a goat onto a pedicab? What we did was, my friend and I sat on the bench and LeeRoy stood where your feet go on the pedicab and this guy rode us up 16th street towards the Circle of Death. It was HILARIOUS. Everybody was coming out, losing their minds that this guy was giving a ride to me and my goat. People were taking picture after picture, we were surrounded by people. Any time we had to stop, people would run out and take our picture. They would get in the way of pedicab so he couldn't go anywhere and take pictures. It was HILARIOUS. It was so much fun. We had a blast. I can't tell you how much of a thrill it was.<br />
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We get done, we get off, I shake his hand and say "Hey man,thanks." He says, "No, thank you for what you are doing man." I get that a lot. "Thank you for what you are doing." I don't know how to take that, but I take is as a compliment I guess. "Thank you for what you are doing." It was cool. We kept on walking. Eventually we get to the Circle of Death. It's kinda weird. It looks like kind of an old, almost like an outdoor amphitheater kind of thing. It is a circle that is sunk into the ground. There is a way that you come in and then there are steps, big steps that you sit on. So it is about five rows high and you sit on these steps and in the middle is a circle. At one end of the circle is a stage where people hang out and talk and stuff. So we had gotten there before most of the fun happened. At the other end of the entrance of the circle, there is this big long concrete path and it has all kinds of vendors. It is about 11:30 now and all the bikes start showing up. There are probably like 200 bikes and they start riding around in this circle and then there is music playing, a rapper shows up, and everybody starts getting off their bikes and start dancing and it fills up quickly. It was epic and you can imagine that a guy with a goat at an event like this is a BIG HIT. It was a hit. People were coming from everywhere. I made a bunch of new friends. People who still to this day send me care packages. It was such an awesome time. Eventually I met Jackie and Cash there and I stayed with Cash another night and he drove me out to his place. It was great. The very next day I saw the opportunity. Cash was leaving for the weekend so I couldn't stay at his house anymore so I made plans in my head...well to be continued...<br />
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Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-83503245082715037862014-08-31T10:04:00.000-07:002014-08-31T10:28:09.212-07:00BACK IN DENVER.I wrote this blog just before starting back up this year...<br />
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I am a cigar smoker, it's true. You know out here in Kansas, there is a high cost for cigar smoking because it is cold...cold and windy. I don't think I am going to enjoy this cigar right now. I want to, but it is just too cold. So now I am just going to sit inside and I am just going to hold this cigar. I know people judge cigar smokers and I don't understand how smoking cigarettes became the cool thing to do and cigars were looked down upon. If you go into a place that has smoking and you pull out a cigar, the reaction is, "Oh, how dare you." But cigars are so classy, so much more classy. Cigarettes are kind of, I don't know, ghetto. I don't know. Anyways, I am a cigar smoker. I think it is because it takes time, depending on the size of the cigar. With the fatter ones you gotta take your time with it. To get all the good flavors out of it. You can't just smoke it fast like a cigarette. For a cigar that is fairly large, fairly thick, you take one puff every minute, so a big cigar takes a long time. It takes patience to get a good flavor. It is not a habit. Cigarettes are a habit. Smoking a cigar is a hobby. Smoking a cigar is like, "Okay we just finished this big project, let's settle in, let's think about it, do some thinking." It is like emotional yoga. <br />
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Anyways, I am cigar guy. I don't smoke them often; maybe 15 a year. There is something about it. I feel sophisticated. I know that sounds stupid to people that don't smoke cigars, but I do. I like to sit somewhere outside, maybe in a quiet place and just puff on a stogie. I wanted to do that right now. I wanted to go sit out on the porch. I'm here in Kansas. Here in a small, small town outside of Topeka, KS called Silver Lake. I am in a big, old blue house right on the edge of a big corn field. Tractors are in the background, a tree every now and again. A small town, peaceful, kinda quiet area. Not the life I have normally lived. I wanted to sit on the porch, smoke a stogie and have some coffee and tell stories about the road, but instead I am trapped inside, drinking coffee because it is so cold and windy outside. It just chills you to the bone. The wind that just bites at your nose. It is only a month away until I start walking and I am starting to worry because I don't want to walk in this business! On with the story...as I have been enjoying my time out here in Kansas, letting my trip to Africa settle into my mind; lots of big changes have gone on with the organization. I have been really excited and I have taken some time to reflect. And when you reflect, there is no better way to do it than with a cigar. Ok, I'll stop talking about cigars..... CIGARS.... so I will reflect cigarless. <br />
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I am going to take this story all the way back to Denver which to me was a small victory. You know the last major city I was in before Denver was Salt Lake and it didn't go so well; I had made some poor decisions, but I was determined to have Denver be different. I set my mind ready to make some better choices. I was prepared. I didn't want to go through those same mistakes again. So, I walked into Denver boldly, excited; walking down Colfax street. It's one of the major streets there. It is the kind of street where you can see the social economic situation of that particular area. When you first come in, it's really nice, then it drastically drops off into more low income and then you go into the downtown area and things start to pick up. Then you hit Aurora and it gets pretty bad. Just on the outside of Aurora, it gets really nice again.<br />
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Anyways, I ended up spending over two weeks there in Denver and it was an epic adventure. It was so fun. It was the best. It redeemed the big cities for me. It redeemed the time. I had plans for later on in the week to meet up with some friends and go to a baseball game, but for right now, I was really just hoping for a place to stay. I met a guy named Bud back in Steam Boat springs. His parents live in Denver. I ended up staying at his parent's house for a few days.. LeeRoy stayed in the back yard and ate up all their bushes. What's so interesting is I went out with some friends that I had met in Steamboat Springs. We hung around, they showed me the city, spent some time downtown Denver. It was alright, nothing special. At some point we ended up and at these two guys' house. Ha-ha. I have never been into drugs. Not that I'm above it in some way; I just never got into it. I don't know why. I guess that D.A.R.E class in the 5th grade worked. Anyways, we walk into the apartment. it was a house apartment ... you know the type .. a big old house that had been divided into apartments. It was a total frat house vibe it smelled like old stale beer, cigarettes and weed. There were dirty dishes piled in the sink, clothes and random stuff everywhere; old speakers... bongs and pipes everywhere. Now, when I walk into these kind situations I'm not scared or freaked out. I just kind of drop my shoulders and hang my head and take a big breath; because these are more annoying than anything... <br />
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The next day I picked up LeeRoy and headed back downtown; started walking into town. On Colfax there is a 7-11 west of downtown and I walk to the edge of that 7-11. It's hot! I am going to get myself a soda. While I am out front tying LeeRoy up this guy pops out of nowhere and starts freaking out. He is stuttering, "Hey, you're the guy! Oh my gosh, it's you! You're that guy! You're famous!" He scared me, he startled me. He is yelling. He is talking fast. He has his hands directly up in the air staring at me, eyes wide, super excited. I looked back at him, a little panicked. I see black slacks, a 7-11 employee shirt, a name tag and a really shabby goatee. He might have been 24, but he was looking at me like I was Denzel Washington. He was just like, "Hey I love what you are doing." He knew my story, he loved what I was doing. He had seen pictures of me. He was so excited. He wanted to meet me...he wanted to meet me. He wanted to see me. He goes inside because he has a customer. He is the only one working and I follow him. I grab myself a monster energy drink and head to the counter. He is still losing his mind. He can barely focus, he can barely talk. He says to everybody that comes in, "This guy is famous! You're famous on Facebook!" Which I don't know how to take that statement... I'm famous on Facebook? But he is yelling, "This guy's famous! Take his picture!" I am starting to get embarrassed. I am feeling shy; uncomfortable even. "This guy's famous!" We take pictures. It's great. I tell everybody the story, collect about $5 in donations and I keep walking.<br />
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The sun is hot and I am headed to REI. REI is kinda like Dick's Sporting Goods, except cooler. It's a place you go to get recreational equipment and so I headed down there. Now, the way I am taking, I have to get across the freeway. So as I am coming from the west side, I come over the freeway and right on the right side of the road is an aquarium. The left side has a Mexican restaurant, then there is an abandoned field. You keep going and there is a bridge in the background, and on the other side of that bridge, on the other side of that overpass is a Starbucks and REI together! It's like Heaven! So I walked down there and I sat outside the Starbucks. I used the internet. See I had made a plan. I thought to myself, "There is no way I am going to be able to walk all the way through downtown, so what I am going to do is try to sleep in this field next to the aquarium, right by the overpass." Now I am literally maybe eight blocks from the very center of downtown Denver and it's one of those things where you gotta make bold moves. So my plan was, this is where I will camp tonight. I went into REI, I had to get a couple of things and then I spent the rest of the day sitting down in Starbucks, chilling, telling stories, meeting people, talking, using the internet; getting ready. Then, I met a guy named Cash. Cash is a really awesome dude. We got to talk a lot. He eventually invited me to his house that night. His cousin was a barista at Starbucks so we talked with her for a while too. We all became pretty close, you know, friends. You know, just a side note, I say friends, but what I really mean is acquaintances, I think. I would say I only have maybe three or four friends, but I have a lot of people that I know that I am acquaintances with. We are, I don't know, what's between acquaintance and friend? What is that word? That's what we are. We are not quite friends, but every time I see them, it's like, "Cool, hey it's good to see you, let's catch up." But, as far as a friend-friend, like ST friend, you know, Noah friend, no they are not like that. They're not on that level. So, whatever that word is, that's what I would apply to them. Not an acquaintance; more than an acquaintance. We debate theology and we talked about all this stuff. Long story short, I end up staying at his house. That night, I drove LeeRoy back to his house. It was great. He actually lived right by that 7-11. We got to his house and it was small, in a quaint little neighborhood. Not small, it was in a quaint little neighborhood. They had just moved in, him and his wife. Really sweet couple, both of them. I think she was a dental assistant. We just kinda hit it off. Cash was a really good guy. In the back yard, as we are tying up the goat and starting to get kinda more personal with our conversation, I tell them my story. I tell them my stuff. And his cousin is sitting there and she is about 19 or 20. She is listening to all of this. As I talk about my difficulty with women and how I have been not the best at relationships Cash goes inside to grab a bowl for LeeRoy and she looks at me and I saw the moment, I saw it. She says to me, "we have a similar story." And you know that moment in the movies when somebody is about to tell you something really important, but they don't because somebody interrupts them. It was that moment. She had something that she wanted to say. She had something that she wanted to tell me, but we were interrupted. I take mental note of those moments because I know that is an opportunity; that is an opportunity to share. We kept going through the night, talking, having fun, hanging out. I woke up, hung out at Starbucks. She ended up coming with me the next day and we walked through downtown Denver together. She walked me through the area. <b>TO BE CONTINUED???</b> Actually, that is not what happened. The next day, I mostly hung out at Starbucks, just resting. I was meeting with some people...hold on, we are going to put a to be continued on this a start a new story.... haha ... ADD IN EFFECTNeedle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-47034751966645100902014-06-14T10:24:00.003-07:002014-06-14T19:05:48.716-07:00Norman and a Horse 5/13/2014<br />
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STORIES FROM THE ROAD....<br />
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I had people come out and visit me from Higginsville. People were bringing out donations and it kept seeming like people from towns I had passed through were coming out to find me. And that was really encouraging. I enjoy that. I enjoy talking with them and sharing the stories. Saturday I moved on, kept walking. We got caught in wild storms Saturday. I'm looking down the road and literally right off the freeway, maybe 30 yards away lightning strikes and both LeeRoy and I freak. We panic! It was shocking. I had never been that close to lightning! I was getting text messages and phone calls that there is a storm coming, there is a storm coming, find shelter. We were racing against the clock in my mind. I am trying to find a shelter. And there is nothing out there. I am walking on I-70. My plan was if worse came to worse, I would flag down a car and maybe they could take us somewhere safe. But I didn't find any shelter. So it seemed like the storm was passing just north of me. So, I thought, maybe I would just catch the edge. To my right was clear skies. To my left a wild storm. I found out the next day there were actually a tornado up there. A couple towns got hit with a tornado. Kinda freaky! You definitely feel helpless, but I decided when I was in that moment, I am going to put up my tent and just ride out the storm; not understanding how serious it could get. I don't know, maybe I am just naive to this stuff I guess. Anyways, we set up our tent and I could hear, right before I get in my tent, about 50 yards away lightning flashes then thunder hits. Four lightning flashes in one area and a fire starts. And I just felt so insignificant in that moment. Like, my life is fragile. It could be taken in an instant. It's wild. We didn't get any rain. LeeRoy and I just camped about 20 feet off the side of the freeway in some bushes. The second my tent was up, I instantly fell asleep. Like I had no problem with the semis loudly racing by. I instantly just crashed. In fact, it's one of those things where I went to take off my shoes, but I didn't get it all the way off and I still had the water spout for my Camel Bak in my mouth when I woke up. Just falling asleep mid-drink. Oh, it's so funny. I wake up in the morning, my feet hurt a little, but that's ok. I'm ready. We push, we walk strong.<br />
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I get a phone call early in the morning and it's sounds like an old lady. It's Sunday morning and she is like, "Where are you at?" It's from an unknown number. I just answer, "I'm on the side of the freeway." She says, "I know, but where?" I said, "I-70." She says, "What mile marker?" I say, "89." She replies, "Okay, well, do you remember that old man and that old lady at the restaurant last Sunday?" I said, "Yeah." Her reply, "They want to come meet you." She says, "The old man wants to come meet you," talking about Norman. And I said, "Okay, well, there is a Dairy Queen about two miles up on my map." I said, "I will meet you there. We can have lunch." <br />
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So we get there and as we walk in people are coming out, taking pictures of the goat. It is just the same ole, same ole. I feel like I shouldn't even write these in these blogs anymore because wherever I am at, just know there are people talking to me, taking pictures, ya know, like it's routine now. Norman and his wife show up and he is a WWII Veteran and he's got plenty of incredible stories. We are just chit chatting. I am telling them about the road and he's telling me about animals. He was into horses his whole life. He rode trick horses. He trained them. He rode dressage and Western and three-day eventing. He told me this great story about his wife and how they met.<br />
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So this is the story about Norman's wife. Norman is this amazing guy. When he was young he was at this horse show. He saw the most beautiful horse. "It had a beautiful gait," is what he says. And I don't even know what that means; I am assuming it means it walks well. He is watching this horse, and he is wishing so bad he could have it. This girl comes up to him while he is watching this horse and she says, "You like that horse?" And he says, "I sure do." And she goes, "Well, I got a better horse than that." He goes, "Is it a Thoroughbred?" And she says, "Yeah." He says, "Well, is he broke?" She says, "Yeah." He says, "Does he have a gait like that?" She says, "Yeah." He says, "Do you ride him?" She says, "No." He says, "Well, why?" She says to him, "Too much horse for me." And so he replies, "Well, I would like to come and meet this horse." So they set a date, he goes out, he looks at the horse and it's everything he dreamed of. It's a beautiful horse. Perfect gait. Beautiful; everything that he has wanted. He desperately wants this horse. He says to her, "Will you sell it to me?" She says, "No, it's not for sale." And he said he knew right then that the only way for him to get this horse was to marry the woman. Ha! Ha! Ha! So he marries her and right then, we just laughed. We busted up in the Dairy Queen. In the middle of us laughing, his wife goes, "Well the joke was on him, that horse didn't like men." And then he told me all these stories about how difficult it was for him to work with this horse because he just didn't like him. I love meeting people. I love hearing their stories. At the end of our lunch, he gets up and I just catch a moment of him and his wife together. He hands her the last bit of his Coke so she can drink it. She gets him a walker and together, they take care of each other as he scooted his walker with just a grin from ear to ear. And I thought to myself, that's it. That's what I want. It's a beautiful thing; love. And they have had it. Something like 70 years together! Thats what I want.Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-83314276130457282012014-06-14T07:23:00.000-07:002014-06-14T17:46:25.118-07:00Text message<div dir="ltr">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Awhile back I received a message from a friend and it was so touching ... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Friend: I just want you to know, I had the shittiest day today, lots of "I can't do anything right and I'm an Asshole in everyone's eyes" , and as I was dwelling on everything, I read some of your blogs and they made me feel better. So thank you for writing them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me :Thank you that makes me happy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Friend: It was one of those days where you look at your life and wonder how you got where you are.... thank you!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <br />Me: I'm there sometimes on a daily basis.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <br />Friend :Me too, but yesterday was bad. I went through a super suicidal time in July. Yesterday was a close second. And, your the only one that understands that, that is why I turned to your writings to get my mind somewhere else</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />this is so HUMBLING...</span></div>
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Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-13799809450254193412014-06-12T07:50:00.004-07:002014-06-14T19:16:44.780-07:00Kyle<br />
I am in Boonville, MO. It's about 2:16 and the date is May 13, 2014. I'm at a host home. Today I am taking the day off. I've been put down a lot of miles and it has been really awesome. One thing that you really have to watch when you put down a lot of miles with a goat is you gotta make sure you watch his hooves; make sure they wear evenly and right now LeeRoy is looking like a champ. He is walking faster. In fact, I would say this is the fastest start we have had. The first two years we did this were pretty slow starts. I think we have gotten almost, well shoot, I think we got about 100 miles down, I don't know, maybe more.<br />
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A couple quick little stories. When I walked into Blue Spring, I stopped at a restaurant called Hot Pot Cafe. In there I met a bunch of amazing people, but one couple in particular, Norman was his name and I can't remember the wife's name, Sarah is her name... but they had me sit at their table and talk with them and we kept on being interrupted the whole time. I didn't really get to learn much about them. They asked me a bunch of questions and again I was being interrupted so much that we really didn't get a good conversation going. However, we did connect a little bit. So, I left Blue Springs and I kept trucking and meeting people and it was awesome. Also, when I was in Blue Springs a couple, Kaci and Kyle, passed me and they wanted to talk to me. But we never got a chance to meet up. they found me on Facebook and we started messaging. We became Fast friends, Kyle and I and Kaci. Side note. There are so many people that I have already met that I want to talk about. Everybody has a unique story. Everybody has a unique story that I want to share. And, I am not that good of a writer, nor do I have the patience to sit down and chronicle every single amazing story that happens.<br />
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I left Blue Springs, I made it to Bates City. I was in Bates City, slept behind a dumpster at a gas station. I kept walking; made it to Concordia. I took a day off in Concordia. I was having knee and hip pain and it was because I didn't have the right shoes and so that really affects me in a huge way. Especially with the weight of my backpack and my body mechanics are already horrible. I look like Quasimoto walking. I get a real good waddle going back and forth. My right foot points out and I kind of get this weird peg leg looking kind of walk going. Especially towards the end of the day. One of my things that I forgot about is that at the end of the day after your body starts to cool down and you sit down. When you finally have to get back up to go to the bathroom or you have to get up to get something; I stand up and I feel all of the miles all at once. My feet are swollen and they hurt and yeah, it's just not comfortable.<br />
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So anyways, last Wednesday, Kyle came out and we had BBQ. We sat together and talked and debated different Christian books out there and a little bit of theology. We talked about his family and his wife, Kaci. It's interesting how quickly you can become friends. How quickly you can connect with people and get to know them. So then we made a plan for him to come out Friday. He came out and we walked that whole day together and it was amazing. You know, it was good to have company on the road; we chit chatted and he got to experience the eight or nine miles of a walk on that Friday. People wanted to get a picture with me and him while we were eating. This often happens, while I am eating people will come up to my table and say, "Hey I want to get a picture of you." So, I'll be in the middle of a bite and I'm looking up at the camera and they take a picture of me. And then they turned to Kyle. This is his first time having this experience and I could just imagine what he is thinking. He kinda gets this look on his face like, "Man, this is so awkward. I am not even a part of the project. Why are you taking my picture? Does this happen all the time?" And yes Kyle, yes my friend, this happens a lot to me! Ha ha! You can see the uncomfortableness and I realized how far I have come. I'm okay with this. I'm okay with people just coming up to me and taking my picture. I am used to it now. I've gotten thicker skin and that's kind of interesting.<br />
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Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-47079259094950188292014-05-25T18:52:00.001-07:002014-05-25T18:52:58.356-07:00Spiritual hunger 5/5/2014It is May 5th at 9:35. I'm about two miles west of Odessa, MO sitting on the side of the freeway in the shade. It's not a very hot day, which is good. As I have been reflecting on conversations I've had with people along the way I have started to notice a theme that is emerging. I don't even know how to explain it yet, but I see a problem. The problem I see is that people care so much about the physical needs of those in need, that they forget about their spiritual needs as well. They think the answer is to throw money at the problem. Even this morning as I am walking between Bates City and Odessa, I met a gentleman with a similar hypothesis. That if we send enough money to all the countries in need, then no one would ever suffer. He literally said. "If Bill Gates and Apple and Starbucks and all these major corporations gave half of their profit or something like that to organizations overseas, then we could solve the world's problems". The idea that if their physical needs are met, then the world's problems would go away is just completely wrong. The Bible says that man will not live on bread alone, but by the Word of God (Matthew 4:4).<br />
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Matthew 4:4</h3>
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New International Version (NIV)</div>
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<span class="text Matt-4-4" id="en-NIV-23214"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>Jesus answered, <span class="woj">“It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’</span></span></div>
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In fact, I'm reminded of a story where there are these two guys and this sick man and they carry him to go see Jesus. Jesus is in this house and it's completely packed out. They thought, there is no way we are going to be able to get to see him. So, what they did was they tore the tiles off the roof and they lowered the man in through the roof. They lowered him down to see Jesus and the first thing Jesus said to him was, "Your sins are forgiven." (Luke 5:19) <br />
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Luke 5:18-20<br />
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<span class="text Luke-5-18" id="en-NIV-25126"><sup class="versenum">18 </sup>Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus.</span> <span class="text Luke-5-19" id="en-NIV-25127"><sup class="versenum">19 </sup>When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.</span><br />
<span class="text Luke-5-20" id="en-NIV-25128"><sup class="versenum">20 </sup>When Jesus saw their faith, he said, <span class="woj">“Friend, your sins are forgiven.”<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-25128D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup></span></span><br />
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He deals with the spiritual matter of the heart first and then he heals him; and then he takes care of his physical needs.<br />
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Luke 5:22-25<br />
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<span class="text Luke-5-22" id="en-NIV-25130"><sup class="versenum">22 </sup>Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, <span class="woj">“Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?</span></span> <span class="text Luke-5-23" id="en-NIV-25131"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum">23 </sup>Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?</span></span> <span class="text Luke-5-24" id="en-NIV-25132"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum">24 </sup>But I want you to know that the Son of Man<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-25132F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> has authority on earth to forgive sins.”</span> So he said to the paralyzed man, <span class="woj">“I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”</span></span> <span class="text Luke-5-25" id="en-NIV-25133"><sup class="versenum">25 </sup>Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God</span><br />
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What I think sets Uzima apart from a lot of organizations or a lot of different humanitarian efforts, is that we/they care for the entire child; the entire person. We take care of their physical and spiritual needs at the same time, but our main focus is on nurturing their spiritual needs.<br />
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I was speaking with a lady at a restaurant called Hot Pot Cafe in Blue Springs, MO. She was telling me a story about how she was helping out someone by paying their rent and buying groceries. She said something really insightful, "You know, it seemed like they were always looking for the hand of God, but not the face of God." That kind of struck me. I have never heard that before. I thought of my own needs. I don't want to be always looking for a hand-out from the Lord instead of a relationship.<br />
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This is my point. I am a firm believer that you need to deal with both the physical and spiritual malnutrition when it comes to helping those in need. You need to provide for the physical needs, but first and foremost the spiritual needs. An emphasis, I believe, on the spiritual needs. <br />
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A final thought. I think that when we just go overseas or we go on a mission trip and we just take care of their physical needs as in, we build them a house, or we give them food, we reduce that person to a one dimensional person. That they are just matter. That they are just a culmination of physical desires and needs and it's not based on the total character, the total person; mind, body and spirit. Uzima, Needle2Square, our total purpose is mind, body, spirit with a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE emphasis on the spiritual aspect of a man. There is a hunger within a man that is much, much stronger than an appetite for food. There is an emptiness that food can't help. There is an emptiness and a hunger that's more than just the stomach, it comes from the spirit. There is the spiritual hunger that we need to feed. Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-4143783347370581612014-05-23T19:37:00.002-07:002014-05-23T19:37:10.150-07:00Dinner Party 5/4/14It is May 4, about 1:02 p.m. and I am walking. I think I am in Grain Valley, MO which is east of Kansas City, MO.<br />
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I love to tell about the unique things that happen to me on the road. Here is a funny one! On my way to my starting point for this year, I had to stop by the bank to take care of some business. When I got to the bank, I was driving around the parking lot to find a place to park the truck and tie up LeeRoy. What I did not know was a guy had been following me in his red truck. I parked and jumped out to head into the bank. I was greeted by a gentleman in his late 50's named Mike. He introduced himself to me and immediately started telling me he was having a supper club party and wanted my goat there. The party was going to have a western theme. He had hired a country band and wanted to get a horse just to come hang out at the party. He told me it was impossible, no one was just gonna bring a horse to his party. To be honest, to me, inviting a horse to your party seems a little strange, unless that horse is Mr. Ed. But, whatever, to each his own. So, to him it was destiny just to see a goat riding around in the back of a truck. He explained to me that the party was on Saturday and he would do anything to get LeeRoy to be a part of his event. I told him what I was doing and Mike said he would make sure to give me some time to speak. You know me, I answered not just yeah, but hell yeah! We made a plan for him to pick me up the next day wherever I was on the trail. <br />
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On Saturday, I walked about ten miles and ended up on this back highway called AA. What I find so interesting is sometimes you run in to the most random, I don't want to say the word trashy, but just a dive bar in the middle of nowhere on some old highway. I was stopped at the Ranch House, however, they spelled it R-A-U-N-C-H House (really). I sat out front for about 45 minutes while people came out and took pictures. I handed out cards and even collected a few donations. When Mike arrived, we loaded up quickly and headed out. We drove back to his house and on the way, he tells me that he hasn't told his wife about this. He says it's going to be a surprise to her. In the back of my mind, I am thinking, "This probably won't be a very fun surprise for her." I'm sure she is going to be confused. "Why would you want this crazy guy with a goat that you picked up from the side of the road to stay at our house." So I was nervous to meet Diane, however, she was so gracious. She is an English teacher that seemed to be well-read (duh). Mark Twain is her favorite author. My adventure was right up her alley. After our introduction, they showed me to my room. I gotta say it was a lot nicer than sleeping behind a random building the night before. I jumped in the shower and got ready for the dinner party. While the band was setting up, I started introducing myself to some of the guests. Before I got there, I was thinking it was going to be about eight or ten people but it ended up being way more. It was about 60 people and they ranged in age from about 30's to I think one was in his 80's. Most of them were retired teachers.<br />
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We sat down and had a beautiful meal; chicken wrapped with bacon, pork-n-beans; oh it was so delicious. The whole thing was incredible. It felt like out of a movie; a big willow tree at the end of a deck; bigger than most. All the women were drinking wine and the men were drinking beer. The women all sat together at one table and were talking about the latest grandchild, whose next child was to get married and all the hot family gossip. I was sitting at the table with all the men and there was a scintillating conversation about one of the older gentleman catching a raccoon in his attic. "I spent $500 catching that damn thing and the little dickens tore a hole in the roof." He ended up driving it out to the woods and releasing it to the wild. As I am sitting at this table with old men mostly in their 60's and 70's I thought to myself, "Is that what I am going to be talking about when I am old; coon catchin'?" <br />
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The band started playing while we were eating and more people started showing up and I'm like, man this is a lot of people. So I started getting excited while I am waiting for my chance to share. Me, feeling like an outsider, my thought was charm and disarm; I gotta be funny. I want to make sure and inform them, but this isn't the place to be explicit with all the gruesome details of the slums. I want to try and put my A game together. I should probably have my A game every single time, however, sometimes people just want entertainment. Anyways, I start out with some jokes to soften them up. I entertained them for a bit and then I get into some facts of what I am doing. I had five minutes that turned into 15 and they loved it. I got done and I started handing out cards.<br />
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THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING ... there was this blonde girl in particular who was my age. She really took an interest, or so I thought. Here's the thing. When a woman comes up to me and she says these words in that kind of really passionate, emotional voice, "Oh I just have such a heart for Africa." I automatically know that she has ulterior motives. I have a term for these kind of women. Gypsy Witches. What's a Gypsy Witch you might ask... well let me tell you... It's a cross between Yoko Ono and Hillary Clinton. She will break up your band and try and rule your world. She will find a way for you to get in trouble. She will seduce you. Strip you of all your dignity and take your manhood. She is a black widow of sorts; or a praying mantis that will EAT YOU. In the past I used to think that they all dressed a certain way. And yes the most obvious ones do... buuuut there is an even sneakier kind that are really hard to identify. They have learned how to blend in with those who truly care. They have copied the genuineness of people that truly care and know how to put on a good show. I will give you a few tips on how to separate the gypsy witches from the rest.<br />
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Tip # 1<br />
Watch out for the ones that say any variation of this. "I was so touched by what you said. Will you come outside and pray with me?" Don't ever fall for this one... the goal is to get you away from the herd so they can devour you.<br />
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Tip # 2<br />
The look. Now this is one that is not easy to escape. The look of adoration can make you feel real good and safe and in control. But the truth is, you are prey and she is the one in control. It's much like the Alligator snapping turtles that use their tongue like a fishing lure to seduce their prey right into their mouth... then with one bite, eats them!!!<br />
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Ok, back to the story. The blonde girl. She says, "You know, I just really would like to hear more about your story." THEN she says, "I have such a heart for Africa and for orphans." And yes, these are all classic Gypsy Witch tactics. Normally I would have seen right through this. But we weren't in the normal Gypsy Witch environment. I didn't think much of it. I said, "Well, yeah I would love to tell you more about the story, but I want to greet everybody else and hand out these cards." And so about 45 minutes later, I get a chance to talk to her again. We talked for a few and I honestly thought that maybe I had her pegged wrong. She asked me if I would ride with her to the grocery store to get something for the party. ANOTHER classic Gypsy Witch move. Separate from the herd. I say, "Yeah, sure, I'll go." I KNOW I KNOW.... you don't even have to say it... I get in her car and she starts driving horribly. I mean, absolutely horribly; almost hitting the curb, almost running into other cars and I keep grabbing the safety handle on the car thinking, "Oh my goodness," I can't tell if maybe she is drunk or just a terrible driver. She is acting completely normal. She is talking clearly, she doesn't look like she is intoxicated or anything. I don't know what's going on. So, I finally ask her, "Are you okay? You are kind of driving erratically. You're kind of freaking me out." I asked her, "Are you tipsy or drunk or something?" And she just looks at me and smirks and just says, "I'm fine." I'm like, oh no, this isn't good. I'm thinking she probably is a little drunk.<br />
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Ok now, <b>here's the deal, </b> music can take my attention off anything. From time to time I'll be talking to someone and in the middle of a word or deep important conversation a song will come on and I'll stop mid-sentence... it grips me- I have to focus on it. I just get into a groove, a vibe, sometimes I even dance.<br />
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Let me paint you this picture. I am literally freaking out about this lady's driving when this song I never heard before comes on. Artist : Disclosure, the song was Latched. I literally stopped. I stopped caring about the bad driving. I start asking, "Who is this?" We put the song on repeat, turn it all the way up and now I am having the time of my life. The song is going... I'm deep into it. All the windows are down. By the fourth time through the song we are both singing at the top of our lungs and dancing like crazy. All of a sudden I snap out of my trance and realize we keep passing store after store so I asked her, "What store are we going to?" We end up pulling into a neighborhood and into her driveway. This is the exact thing I am trying to avoid on the project; awkward stuff like this. I planned on staying in the car, but she wouldn't let up, "Come in, come in, come in." I did have to go to the bathroom, so I agreed. We go into her house! And I'm like, OH NO the Gypsy Witch has me!!! Oh this is not good. She filled up a paper bag with something. I assumed it was alcohol; I could hear the bottles clinking together in the bag. We got back in the car and headed back. Clearly, whatever she had last drank was hitting her pretty hard and she was having trouble getting back to Mike's house. She was speeding. I stopped talking to her and turned up the music trying to escape from the moment. I thought to myself, "If I am going to die in a car crash, I might as well be rocking out to some good jams on my way to heaven!" She clearly doesn't know where she is going. She keeps driving around in circles. She is going extremely fast and I am telling her please slow down, slow down. And she just says, "I am just doing that to mess with you." I say, "Well, it's messing with me." She pulls into a lane that has cones blocking it off and in front of us is a sign that says NO TURN" that is blocking the road. I yell, "You can't go this way! Stop, stop, stop, you can't go this way!" So she just plows over the sign and knocks it over. I make her pull over the car immediately. "Hey, hey, hey, pull over, pull over right here, please." She pulls over the car. I confront her, "Look, can I please drive?" And she says, "No. I'm good." I said, "Please let me drive." She says, "No, no, no. I'm good. Don't worry about it." I GPS where his house is and it's only a few blocks away. I'm like, "Okay, please go slow. In all seriousness, I am not kidding you, I will get out. I will get out of this car." She says, "Oh, don't worry. I'm good." We drive the few blocks back to Mike's house. She is getting so close to parked cars that the mirrors hit, but don't break. The whole time I am telling her, "Watch out" as I am grabbing the wheel. We pull into the drive, I get out and I run away from the car.<br />
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Now here is the icing on the cake! In my two years of doing this project, there has been one quintessential line that has defined the worst of the worst when it comes to the Gypsy Witch. If you say this to me, I know what your intent is and depending on what kind of mood I am in, I probably will make fun of you. Before the party ends, I am sitting in the back listening to the band play a slow ballad. She sits next to me at the table and she hits me with it, "Do you ever get lonely on the road?" I literally laughed out loud; so loud that everybody looked at me and I totally interrupted the mood of the soft song that the band was playing. <br />
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The party ended, she left, I felt good. Felt good that she was gone. So, that's my story with that.<br />
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The next morning I got up and Mike and Diane had breakfast and coffee. They took me back to where they picked me up. He was such a gracious host. I had such a good time. People had donated to the project from the night before that heard me speak so it was really just a beautiful time; other than that car ride. There is a silver lining to this crazy car ride. The song that we jammed out to is at the top of my play list and I literally have listened to it over and over again; it's my new favorite song. Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-23635817955762158332014-05-17T18:59:00.000-07:002014-05-17T19:23:13.413-07:00Bench MarkThe benchmark of success is not how many countries we reach. It truly isn't just how many kids are in our orphanage. There are organizations that thrive on that. They thrive on the fame of "look at how many kids we saved". They thrive on the fame of "look at how many countries we have reached." That's not us. The benchmark of success for our organization is<b> how faithful can we be to the call that God has given us</b>. The benchmark of success for our organization is<b> look what God has done through faithful people</b>. It is not just how many kids we save or how many kids we have in this home or how many orphanages we have started or how many countries we have reached. It is about faithfulness to God, faithfulness to the call and that's it. God didn't say you are going to reach hundreds; God said you are going to help those in need. God didn't say you are going to go to all these countries; God said you are going to feed the sheep. The reality is, people want these huge callings in life to show that they have been mightily used for the Lord. Our benchmark is not so you can think how holy we are or how much God's presence is on us, its not about that. If God gives us very little ministry, we are going to be faithful to the end of that ministry; nothing is going to stop it. Nothing is going to stop us. Obedience and faithfulness is the benchmark for our ministry. That's what is successful to us. That is what we are going to do.<br />
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I want to quickly answer a question about why a goat and what I know now compared to what I was thinking in the beginning is completely different. How I would have answered that in the beginning of this project was I was looking for a pack animal and looking for a friend to come along with me, but the reality is I didn't really have a reason. I just wanted an animal; I wanted to bring an animal and a goat is a sturdy animal; they are self-sufficient, they eat what is along the side of the road. It was a convenience decision for me. But what I now know, being two years into this project, is this was God's profound grace and influence in my life that I couldn't even see. What I now know is that God was setting Needle2Square apart from other ministries. You know when I first started looking into organizations and raising funds and how to do that, I came across a couple of websites and I came across a couple of YouTube videos that bummed me out. There was this phrase that was being said more often than not and the phrase was "competing for the charity dollar." Those words, that phrase scared me because that is not what I want to do. I don't want to compete for the charitable dollar. I don't want to compete for other people to donate to Needle2Square instead of other organizations. I don't want them to donate to me and not to another organization. I am not going to compete. That is not my heart. The Lord always knows what He is doing. My problem was... How do I set myself apart? NOT to compete but to at the very least to be noticed. It was almost feeling like David and Goliath; among the sea of other well-deserving projects.... LeeRoy is all the difference.<br />
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I think it is important to note that I had no idea what I was doing at the beginning of this project. If I would have known what was to come, I probably, and I know people say this often, I probably wouldn't have done it; I would have done it differently. The reality is, I was weak. I was the wrong person for this job if you were to ask anybody with any kind of wisdom. I was the wrong person to step into this place and try and run an organization. I have very little administration skills, very little. I have no college education, really. I went to school, failed most of my classes. I went for four years off and on and wasted a lot of my parents' money. The reality is though, the Lord put me here. A thought I often question him about. The one skill that I think the Lord has blessed me with is the ability to articulate a message. <br />
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I am not trying to put myself down. I really want to point to Jesus. So, what I have been learning is that my weakness is what is setting this apart. If you were to somehow evaluate on a chart, a pie chart "oh he has this much integrity, he is this much smart, he is this much whatever," my pie chart would be 90% dummy and about 10% funny; that's it! That is all that is on my chart; that's all I got going for me. But in that is the most beautiful thing I think about this project. In that mess of a person is where God gets all the glory; and He gets it all. Only by God's mercy and grace has this organization not fallen thus far. I am not the right guy for this job. You know when I think about that last statement, that I am not the right guy for the job, I start to think of every other story of success that I know. Every other story of church planters, missionaries or just anything that I can think; other peoples' stories. When you hear them talk about their story, some crazy journey, they always start out with the disadvantages. You never hear a story like "It was always easy. I was just talented No struggles, no difficulties just smooth sailing." Every single story of consequence, every story I can think of in my head, of anybody that has done a crazy amount of things for the Lord or has been used mightily in some way, always their stories start out with the disadvantages. Their stories always start out with what was not right. "I went to this town, I knew nobody, I had no money, I had no opportunity, I had a stutter when I talked, I don't know the Word very well, I'm not very good at articulating the message, I didn't have a college education, I didn't have the money or resources, I didn't have the time, I was not good enough. I had no talents." That is how every story starts out. So when I think about that right now, I feel like I am in good company. What I want you to understand is that I hope that is the beginning of your story. I hope what happens in the beginning stages of whatever the Lord is calling to you always pushes you to the foot of the cross saying "I can't do this, I need your help, please Lord you are going to have to make something happen here." That is where I am on a daily basis. "I cannot raise this money by just walking across America with a goat. I can't make this happen Lord. You are going to have to do something. You are going to have to do something only You will get the glory for, that is all about You, has nothing to do with me. I can't do this Lord."Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-62762586965489859362014-05-09T06:00:00.000-07:002014-05-09T06:00:00.997-07:00Dad 5/2/2014 You know, May 2 is the day that my father passed and this walk isn't about him in any way, but it was a way that I could kind of, you know, remember him. Let's see, it's been 22 years now, I think. Yeah, 22 years since he has passed and I feel kind of guilty today because I didn't think of him much. I know that I'm busy and I got a lot going on and all, but I don't know, I guess I just, I miss him. And I love him, I do. Maybe this is what it's like, just 22 years later you start to forget. I don't know. I've been busy, you know. And yes, I have whatever, "daddy issues," I keep saying that. Maybe I shouldn't talk about it anymore, but, I don't know. The memory definitely isn't as fresh, that's for sure. Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-88627171729561394012014-05-08T07:25:00.001-07:002014-05-08T07:25:07.712-07:00May 2, 2014It's 8:02 p.m. and I am just on the east edge of Kansas City and I'm actually behind some kind of abandoned building. Laying down on my sleeping pad. I can feel the cold bricks of the building on my right arm. I love to lay down on the ground and look up want the sky.and through the trees. There's something about looking at the world in a different angle. Anyways LeeRoy and I are kinda doing some urban camping; hiding out. We are gonna stay here tonight. I am waiting for the sun to go down completely so that I can pull out my sleeping bag and head to sleep. I'm kind of in a vulnerable spot. People can see me. One thing I have gotten good at is hiding in plain sight. There is a church just beyond the edge of these trees just behind this abandoned building and I can see people driving in and out of the parking lot. Today is May 2, 2014 and it's interesting to be back on the road again. Lots to talk about. <br />
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I think the first things first. the Falk family; Loren, Jenny, Caleb and Riley. Man, what a blessing they were. Most of you guys probably don't know this, but I stayed with them for much of the winter in Silver Lake, KS and it was an incredible time. We became legitimate family. Like we are legitimate family. And that's really cool to be able to say that. I could write a whole novel on just hanging out with them and all the cool things we did; playing pool, coffee time. Coffee time was the best part of Falk family fun. Falk family fun, ha! At night we would sit in the living room, all of us, and Jenny would make coffee for us and we would have coffee before bed. We would have bible study and pray together. It was pretty cool. I enjoyed it.<br />
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We got a late start today. I started, obviously, at the Nelson Museum, downtown Kansas City. I had to run some errands before I got here and yeah, it started out pretty well. Immediately when you walk with a goat, it's right back to the swing of things. People taking pictures, talking to you, asking you all kinds of questions. So it took me a while just to get a small amount of miles. I only got eight miles in today. That's okay though. I'm okay with it. LeeRoy and I enjoy hanging out. You know, we took a break today kind of by this little hideaway place where it was just me and him and no one was staring at us or paying attention to us and so we were just kind of hanging out, I was itching between his horns and he was rubbing his face on my knee. We were alking and I was telling him, "I think this is the year, you know. I wanna finish this year." I would like to. He just kind of looked at me as if to say, "Whatever, I am down with whatever." It's just cool to have my faithful friend back and to be spending time with him. I am a lucky guy to have such a sweet goat. Ha! <br />
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To kind of rewind the story a little bit. Just two or three days ago I spoke at the Rescue Mission in Topeka, KS; the homeless shelter. It was an incredibly humbling experience. You know, I got there and my heart wasn't necessarily ready to speak. I think I was mainly focusing on preparing to walk and I wasn't focusing on what I had to say necessarily. So, I definitely didn't have any expectations on anybody giving. We did some worship and I could hear them singing and my heart started to soften as I listened to them sing. I started to sing myself and I just kind of got to this place where I was excited. I wanted to be there. I wanted to share with them and I started to want to do a good job. Not that I ever don't want to do a good job. I guess sometimes I don't necessarily feel like doing anything; I don't know. Anyways, it was BEAUTIFUL. I got up there, started sharing, telling stories and ya know, I would make a point and they would start clapping. The whole room would just start clapping and I remember thinking like, no one has ever clapped for me before. They usually just sit there and stare, ya know. So I started telling some jokes and kind of feeding off their energy and we just had a great time. You know, I never once petitioned them or asked them for money, but the guests, the people that are staying at the Rescue Mission, gave more than most of the churches. I am literally saying most; most of the churches that I have spoke at and I can't even tell you how humbling that is. How WILD that is. I mean it was shocking and at the end they got in a line; there were 20 people in a line waiting to talk to me and ask me questions and tell me their stories and how it moved them. It was such a blessing to hear them and hear their stories too and to see them give. I mean, I just, I am honored. I can't even believe how amazing that is. I am not trying to downplay other churches that haven't given or I don't want to be like that guy that, I don't know. It just was beautiful, just was beautiful. I love to be a part of that kind of stuff. Just makes me want to do better; go harder. I want my life to be marked by giving.Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-73132026845564275432014-04-24T13:18:00.003-07:002014-04-24T13:18:46.758-07:00Leadership 3/31/14I am learning about leadership right now. I am studying it, looking at how to be a good leader. As I go through this process, I have been looking at different leadership models from organizations and churches. I decided to go and look at the bible and it occurred to me that sometimes I look at the Bible as a book of principles that lead to success. As in, the Bible is truth, it's God's Word, it's God's laws on how the world works. So, if I want to be successful in life, avoid the pitfalls, capitalize on good decision making. having the ultimate authority on how the world works, the Bible and it's Biblical principles, defining or mapping out a way to succeed. Now, I am not saying that following the Bible and studying it and learning it doesn't lead to successful life. BUT, the Bible doesn't guarantee you a happy life. Secondly, the measure of success is different between what I measure as success and what the Bible or what God measures as success. How ever I do form time to time have completely inaccurate way of look/studying the Bible altogether. I would say that in my pursuit for good leadership, in my pursuit to be a better person or a man of integrity, that that's how I looked at the Bible. I was using it to better myself, like a self-help book instead of a relationship with the Lord; instead of a soul transformation. Now, here is what I am gonna say, if you pursue your relationship with the Lord, there are chances that you could be successful; it can lead to success. However, my goal should not be to have success, my goal should be to have a relationship with the Lord. So, instead of studying the Bible and Biblical principles on leadership to be successful, my heart should be to get counsel from the Bible, to get counsel from God, to ask Him first; what does it look like to be a good leader. Not so that I can have success, but so that I can be a good steward of what the Lord has given me.<br />
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With that in mind this is what I been learning about Leadership...it's such a crazy thing. You know, I feel like this last two years have been about changing me and making me into a different person. Breaking me; cleansing me almost, and now I am in this place where I have a team of people behind me. I have a board of directors, I have an assistant; a project manager, so to speak and I am really working hard on trying to be a good leader. You know, I have difficulty saying no. Which is something you gotta be pretty good at as a leader I have realized. I have difficulty setting boundaries which is another thing you gotta be pretty good at to be a leader. So, those are the things I need to work on, but there is something interesting that I have learned the last couple of weeks. <br />
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They always say being a good leader is about being a good servant and I would agree with that. I think I have to be willing to do or have done what I am asking other people to do on some level.<br />
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I'll just start out with a story. When I was in my 20's, I remember really trying hard to grow in the Lord. Side note God is so faithful. during the that time of my life I was a public success, but a personal failure. I looked good in the public, but personally I was failing on so many things. The Lord was still feeding my mind and my heart and investing into the future of me.<br />
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Anyways I loved my church, Calvary Chapel Spokane. That's where God met me. It's a big church. The pastor was Ken Ortiz and I remember feeling like this is the greatest thing ever; just so much knowledge. Great worship. On Thursday night we had a bible study. Ken was going through Ephesians 6<br />
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Ephesians 6 verse 5, "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and with sincerity of heart just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor, when their eyes are on you, but as slaves to Christ doing the will of God from your heart."<br />
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I remember the pastor saying, "how do we apply this to our lives today?" He was equating a slave as being an employee and our masters as being our bosses. I remember him saying, "do you work hard when your boss is looking, but slack off when he's not?" But beyond that, the idea of slaves and masters, employees and employers, leaders and followers,always stuck out in my mind. I have always kept those ideas together. Im not sure why but they are all on the same level to me.<br />
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That kind of thought process crossed my mind recently when I was reading a different story about the faith of the centurion. It's Matthew 8 verse 5<br />
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"When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him asking for help. 'Lord,' he said, 'my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.' Jesus said to him, 'Shall I come and heal him?' The centurion replied, 'Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof, but just say the word and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority and a soldier under man. I tell this one 'go' and he goes. I tell that one 'come' and he comes. I say to my servant 'do this' and he does it. When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, 'Truly I tell you, I have found no one in Israel with such great faith." I will stop there at verse 11.<br />
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I think there is something interesting about what this leader, this centurion did. He says here in verse 6, "My servant lies at home paralyzed and suffering." My servant. I thought about Ephesains 6. About servants and masters. He(the Centurion) is the leader and he has a servant that is in pain,struggling having a hard time. He goes out of his way to find Jesus and ask him to heal his servant. That's the kind of leader I want to be. The one that cares deeply about the people that are around him. That puts the people first. Puts the team first. Not sacrificing my team for success. Beyond that, going out of my way to take care of them. To go to the Lord for them. To be praying for them. When they in a hard place, to go to the Lord. This is what I have been learning about leadership lately.<br />
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The point I am trying to make here is this. The Centurion was the leader and his servant was struggling so he went to Jesus and asked to heal his servant. I love it, it's beautiful. I wanna be that kind of leader. I wanna care about my team like that, and I do.Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-57652390617335359232014-04-11T10:36:00.002-07:002014-04-11T11:37:06.678-07:00My Sweetest Friend 4/5/14Sitting in an ugly yellow leather chair at a Panara bread restaurant. I grab my hat and pull it low over my eyes and look down into my lap. My phone is on the armrest, my IPod is on my left leg and my Kindle Fire is on my right leg. tears are streaming down my face. I look up and in front of me is a bigger lady checking her glucose level. for a second my mind drifts to what it would be like to have diabetes. She's got a polka-dotted shirt; at her table are two other people and they are eating lunch. My IPod is playing a song and it hits me so hard. The chorus is<br />
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"How can I serve You, my sweetest Friend.<br />
I'll never go back, now I know.<br />
My eyes looking forward to You instead; desperately waiting..."<br />
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Tears flow down my face every single time I hear the words "how can I serve You, my sweetest Friend." It just touches my heart in the deepest places. This whole morning as I have been sitting here, trying to prepare for speaking events all this week. I have two tomorrow morning, one tomorrow night. Speaking at a school next week. I have been speaking two to Four times a week for the last month. In all of that, somewhere along the line, sharing the Gospel; sharing the story, I haven't had an honest moment with the Lord. I haven't had an honest moment with just me and Him and things cloud my mind; fears, sins, things from the past. They always come forward in those moments to condemn me and to change me and to destroy my heart and my mind. I start looking at them, start condemning myself; feeling a ton of shame. "All I want to do is serve You, my sweetest Friend." I grip the chair and just let it ring out in my heart, the voice inside is screaming the words. Just thinking those words, "How can I serve You, my sweetest Friend?" The tears are flowing even harder now. I look to the left and I see a lady staring at me. "I need to get out of here." I start collecting my things and throwing them in my bag and as I try and rush out of the Panara Bread, My eyes fixed on watching my own feet. I don't want to make eye contact with anyone and i don't want anyone to see me. I swing the door open way too wide and almost hit a lady. I don't stop. I cant. I get in the car and I turn it on and I turn up the music as loud as I can and I sing as loud as I possibly can to the Lord, "How can I serve You, my sweetest Friend? I'll never go back, now that I know." It is so hard to not go back to the past; always condemning myself. <br />
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All that leads up to this; I am ready to get back on the road. I miss those times when I am out there on the road and it's just me and the Lord. I've come to depend on that alone time with Him and I didn't know it. I don't know how it happened. I don't know when it happened. I don't know when I got far away, or I got distant or I stopped listening. Even in the midst of all this ministry, of all of this sharing, of all the speaking, of all the amazing things I have seen, somewhere in the last couple weeks I've gotten far...I've gotten far. <br />
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But how wonderful is the Lord to always draw us back in. I wasn't trying to get close. Trying to hear something from the Lord. I was Looking for anything to get me ready for my week ahead. I was Looking for anything to prepare me. Inspiration. I wasn't looking for a relationship with my God and king But this song; the Lord had to deal with me. I couldn't just get information to share. I couldn't just get inspiration. The Lord had to bring me to the foot of the cross. He had to open my eyes and say, "You can't just be a good speaker. You can't just use the Bible, my love letter to you as information; as a topic to speak on. You need Me."<br />
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All of the speaking events went amazing. I really felt lucky to be apart of what the Lord is doing but even more than that I'm am grateful to have him cares about me. Want to be close with me. more over wants me to be close with him.Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-11170273743693586702014-04-08T20:08:00.001-07:002014-04-08T20:18:27.380-07:00The Rockies Game <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am looking down at my phone using the maps app looking for the closest REI. I need to get new gear; mostly new shoes. I had a gift card that was given to me by my friend Chirs. It was a kind of a going away present. You know it is time for new shoes when you can smell them while they are on your feet and you are are walking in the open air. The odor is a mix between baby vomit and rotting whale carcass. Don't ask me how I know what a rotting whale carcass smells like. <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I take a mental picture of the map in my head, turn off my phone, put it in my pocket and keep walking. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I take a left off of Colfax and go into a neighborhood. I am trying to avoid the busy streets right now, trying to get out of the spotlight a little bit. LeeRoy and I stop at an empty house that is for sale. We sit on the porch. He eats the grass. We both kinda lounge in the shade for a bit. I have noticed something about myself. It's like I look for trouble. I will go through a season of good behavior, so to speak, and then I will find some way to get myself into trouble. I think I get overwhelmed, or maybe let my guard down. Maybe even beyond that, especially with all the attention, I self-sabotage. That sentence went through my mind and I just shrugged my shoulders and went "huh." I picked up my backpack and LeeRoy and I started heading east again towards Bronco stadium. (It's hard to be transparent again. Writing these blogs is not easy). Eventually we ran into the stadium and had to take a left. As you come from west to east, you can kinda look down on the city at about 20 blocks out. Once LeeRoy and I get a few blocks past the stadium, we hang another right and follow the road over the freeway. Just before you hit the bridge to go over the freeway, the neighborhood just seems to disappear and you can look on downtown Denver. The first thing you see as you cross the bridge is the aquarium. Just beyond the aquarium, you can see the river start to flow and then the tall buildings. Crossing that bridge felt like a big mile marker for me. Just past the bridge, the road curves to the left. I can see the REI sign. Then, there is just that excitement; that pep in my step. You keep walking and walk right into the REI. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I spent a lot of time on the patio of a Starbucks. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 18px; text-indent: 48px;">About the best Starbucks in the world for a guy like me. I mean, it’s attached to an REI! And I love that. At the edge of the patio there is a bunch of grass and trees. LeeRoy is half under the patio keeping out of the sun. It's really great because it makes him hard to see so he’s not attracting a lot of attention. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">Looking south there is a river. It
seems to run east to west and just on the other side of it is the center of
Denver. In the river is a little man-made island where people go and play
in the water. Families, couples and a few single moms are spread out across it. There are a few rowdy kids running around. My favorite kind of kid. A few business people are trying to get out of their work cubicles and into the fresh outdoors. They were eating their lunches on benches and random places to sit on the island. Reading
books and escaping from the mundane life
they have.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> You can almost see them get lost in their books. I can only imagine what it would be like to have been working in a cubicle for 15 or 20 years of my life. I would hate that. There was a time in my life when I was on that same path. As soon as lunch would come around I would punch out and go outside and just want to scream; and cuss; and kick stuff and spit. Say Christian cuss words like "I hate this dang job; and I want to freaking quit." In fact I remember this one job I had. I worked at a hospital for a few years doing different jobs over the years. One of the responsibilities I had was to verify insurances. I would sit in a cubical all day and check the insurance information on the web. Within the first few hours of my day I would be about to lose it. On my lunch I would go to the top of the eight story parking garage and just stare at the city. I would day dream of some other life. MAN am I grateful for what I do now. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">As I stare at the business men and women reading their books, I snap out of it; that was a dark place. A heavy dose of reality of what could have been. Some people love that and can enjoy that and they want that, but not me. I need freedom. I am a wild stallion and I hate fences. Haha. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">I sit there and people-watch and try not
to stick out like a sore thumb. As I'm watching the people I notice every
second person is just staring down at their phone. A thought jetted
through my mind. THEY ARE MISSING IT. And then I literally laugh out loud as I
look down and see my phone firmly gripped by my right hand. I have been
surfing Facebook most of the morning.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;"> I had been in Denver for a
couple of days now, and today was all about meeting up with friends. Long
before I started this walk I had been in a band and toured through here quite a
few times. I was really excited to meet up with them and tell them all about this new adventure I was on so I contacted a few of my local friends to let them know I was in town. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">Only one of them came out. M</span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">y friend Liz. She was
somebody that has always been around. We ended up staying at
her house during a tour eight years ago.<br /> <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">I thought back to the last time we hung
out. The band I was in had a few days off in Denver. A group of us ended up
going to a swing dance club. It's located in downtown Denver somewhere in an
old brick building. It was the only thing that hadn't been torn down in the
neighborhood. The brick building was on the northeast corner of the block surrounded
by parking lots. The bottom floor was a restaurant that was split into two
parts. The entrance to the building was on the corner.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I walked in and on the first floor there was
a poetry reading going on. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">It was dripping with teenage emotion and not pretentious words, but just people that are trying way too hard to be cool. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I stood there for a while before going up with the rest of
the crowd to the swing dancing on the second floor. I was listening to the
people basically trying to rap without music. It literally was the most awkward thing I had ever heard. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"> "I have a flower</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">a gray flower</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">i</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">t
is my heart </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">It is wilting from the sun of your hatred</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">Sometimes I drive
on the right side of the road </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">sometimes I don't</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">Emotions are heavy</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">Let's have a tickle fight."</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">I stood and stared at the overweight kid
wearing skinny jeans and a polo, a beard, glasses and he had kind of like a fro thing going on. Standing there on stage, the shape of his body looked like an ice
cream cone. He definitely was the flavor of
sherbet in my mind. After subjecting myself to the most awkward thing on the
planet, I couldn't choke down another bite of this ice cream cone and
eventually went upstairs for swing dancing. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">Yeah, that's right, I can swing dance. Liz was there. We danced a few times. Liz is quite a bit taller than me. I have to stand on my tippy-toes to do some of the spins. That's no lie. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt;">But back to the story. Liz and I
sat inside Starbucks and caught up. She's a super sweet girl. While we
were talking we decided to check out a Rockies game. We got a goat sitter; a
place to take LeeRoy and we went to a Rockies game. It was great to hang
out with Liz and catch up and share stories. She is a missionary now,
well not a missionary, but something like a missionary. She does work for
the Gospel and raises support for it. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So yeah, I guess she is a missionary. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Anyway, it was a great time. The Rockies lost which I am okay with. They lost to the Marlins. Their mascot
is a fish. Like, I don't get it. Is the Marlin a wild attacking
fish? I don't get it. The Marlins beat the Rockies; sad day. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I gotta say, maybe one of the most uncomfortable moments in my life happened at that game. There was the most annoying guy behind me yelling the whole time; totally inappropriate stuff; socially awkward situation. The Marlins hit a home run into our section. A pregnant woman catches the ball and she keeps it. Now in some stadiums there is a tradition. If the guest team hits a home run and a fan catches it, they throw the ball back onto the field out of disgust. You are not allowed to keep it for a souvenir. This guy behind us stands up and starts yelling at this pregnant woman. He starts chanting "Throw it back, throw it back" She doesn't want to throw it back. But this guy won't stop yelling at her. And now he is getting the crowd to start chanting at this woman. Now, I am the most uncomfortable in these situations. She takes the ball and sits down in her seat while everybody is chanting at her and she shakes her head no. In my head I am thinking, at what point do I stand up and say shut up to this guy, leave her alone? I glance back at the lady and I notice an usher coming down to tell this guy to leave her alone and to quiet the crowd. The only problem is that she is a 70 y/o woman and she can hardly yell at all. She comes down the steps to his row and she is saying something, but you can't hear her. I had to do something. So with the emotional courage of five teenage girls, I whip my head around, throw my hands up and yell in my sassiest voice, "come on, leave her alone!" I don't know how effective that was, but I certainly felt more uncomfortable and awkward by the second. As the crowd eventually starts to die down and watch the game again, I definitely have to give up some man cards for not being stronger in the situation. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-size: 13.5pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></span><br />
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Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-8825325391766571612014-02-26T10:01:00.001-08:002014-02-26T10:01:14.860-08:00PODCAST FORM KENYA<a href="http://thewritinglife.podomatic.com/entry/2014-02-26T09_47_12-08_00#.Uw4raPOmzPc.blogger">PODCAST FORM KENYA</a> I just got back from Kenya. where I had an amazing time. had the great pleasure for sitting down with ST and Fred the co founders of Uzima Outreach... we talked for about 2 hours. I will be turning this in to several Podcasts... Check it out...Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-81453444134798239352014-01-16T14:31:00.001-08:002014-01-16T14:33:33.946-08:00My life is a movie.<p dir=ltr>Ya want to know something I find a little crazy…. Through most of my 20’s I only  slept about 4-5 hours a night and I loved it. But since I’ve been back for the winter I have slept up to 9 hours.  Ok, that’s an exaggeration. It’s more like almost 8 hours. Haha. I wake up around 6 or 7 no matter what time I go to bed.  Ok, that’s not true either. I can sleep in till about 8 or even 9 if I go to bed past 2 in the morning. Making it to 9 in the morning I feel like I have slept the whole day away.  And that kind of leads me to my story…<br>
 <br>
First a few little facts.<br>
 <br>
Everyone told me that the state of Kansas would be the worst to walk through. However that was not my experience. I loved it. Believe it or not, there is a town about every 10 to 15 miles. Ok town is strong language. It was mostly like a few houses and a grain silo, post office maybe a gas station. Maybe. Nonetheless, there was something.  A few times there was a gas station that clearly  had been shut down years ago, but it had a working soda machine out front. Haha. Thinking back on this… I remember walking into a small, small, SMALL town late at night and seeing the glow of a lit up soda machine. There was an emotional reaction that went on inside of me.</p>
<p dir=ltr>Ok, this may sound so crazy. When I was 15 my parents sent me to a desert program thing for “troubled and at risk kids” (to this day I still don’t know what those terms mean AND I hate that label). It was called called Treks. It was so sucky. Just about the craziest time of my life. The other boys there were soooo messed up. The counselors messed with your head. I remember them trying to break us. Get us to cry. Yelling and cussing at us. It was scary. One night after some crazy emotion and mental manipulation I laid out in the desert in my sleeping bag and I had to make a decision. Beat this or let it beat me. I made a decision that I was the only person I could trust. I do remember my faith in that moment, but I didn’t know how to use it. I didn’t know how to look to God for strength … so I made a plan. It’s only 3 years till I’m 18 and then I’m free. In my mind it was jail. And I wasn’t going to let them take any more from me then they already had.  I would make it out of this indestructible. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Anyways, after the desert program I was being transported to a boy’s ranch in Clarkfork, ID called Elk Mountain Academy. On the way there we drove through my hometown: Spokane, Washington. As you drive into Spokane from the west on hwy I90 you come into town from the top of a hill and you get a great view of Spokane.  There is was HOME. My eyes welled up with tears. I couldn’t believe how much I loved this city. How it had made me feel safe and joy and I realized right then for the first time that is will always be my home. </p>
<p dir=ltr>No I know this sound crazy, but as I walked up to that soda machine in the middle of Kansas I almost had that same kind of feeling. Like the soda or the machine gave me some kind of deep emotional comfort.  <br>
Ok, that was a bit of a tangent…<br>
So instead of a few facts I just give you that one… For now.</p>
<p dir=ltr>Ok back to my story… oh ya I don’t sleep a lot. But in this story that is a really good thing and here’s why.</p>
<p dir=ltr>As you come into Denver, CO on hwy 74 there is a town called Golden, CO.  LeeRoy and I had just walked 16 miles on a back road called old hwy 40 that followed hwy 70.  We spent all day walking. Like always at about 5 I started looking for a place to set up my tent. I had found what looked like an apartment development area. It was right on the edge of a hill I could see Golden, CO. I had thought I better stop here for the night. I didn’t want to get too deep into the city and not find a place to sleep. Let me paint you a picture.  As you look north you can see a Golden and some kind of small factory and what looked like the night shift coming on to start work. to the south are big, big parking lots and a gas station. To the west, high mountains and to the east  was a main road. The development areas was about 4 blocks square completely level and ready to break ground for the foundation. We set up camp and LeeRoy and I stayed up late and talked.<br>
 <br>
Me: So tomorrow is Denver. We made it.<br>
LeeRoy looks at me as he slowly chews on his cud.<br>
Me: It always gets crazy. You know how the cities get… I was thinking we should take some time off here mostly cause it’s going to be a long, long way to KC.<br>
LeeRoy uses his horns to itch a spot on his back towards his tail.<br>
 <br>
The conversation went on. I told him I was proud of him and I can’t believe we made it this far. I reminded him of all the people that doubted that a goat could walk as far as we have.  We shared a granola bar.</p>
<p dir=ltr>I sat with my back up against a big concrete drain pipe that was randomly out there … Looking at the glow for the city lights of Golden and Denver. Leeroy eventually laid his head in my lap and I itched behind his ears. We sat like that for a while. I let my mind wonder and dream. <br>
 <br>
At about midnight I went to bed.<br>
 <br>
Sometime in the night I wake up. I open my eyes and focus my ears to investigate what’s around me I see the faint outline of LeeRoy against the glow of the city lights. His tail is straight up and I can kind of see the hair on his back is standing up. His ears and eyes are pointed. Dead set on something. Now I know those are all red flags. And when I’m fully awake I am on it. But as I lay there it’s taking me some time to analyze the data in my head.  I laid there another minute with my eyes closed. The picture still in my head. I don’t quite understand how I figured it out but then I was instantly awake. Full on, full scale ready for battle. I grabbed my head lamp and immediately shined it in the direction the LeeRoy was looking and not a minute too soon. There were 8 sets of eyes glowing and staring right back at me … all I could see were the eyes… they all start howling at the top of their lungs. I jump to my feet and start yelling at the top of my lungs. But not any word just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I put on my head lamp and throw my arms up to look big and scary.  And yelling like I was a wild animal myself AHHHHHHHHHH</p>
<p dir=ltr>BUT NOTHING they didn’t move. They are howling and yelling.  HA! Now I don’t know why I did this, but  at one point they were all howling in tune and I started to slid my voice up to match them. For a second it felt like we are all in perfect pitch. Unsure of what would happen next I threw a few rocks their way. And they scattered…<br>
But they didn’t go far.</p>
<p dir=ltr>I kept throwing rocks and started say. “Scat  skedaddle” … eventually they left and I laid back down after the coast was clear. I laid in my sleeping bag replaying what had happened.</p>
<p dir=ltr>Scat? Skedaddle?</p>
<p dir=ltr>I laughed out loud …I really need to work on my tough talk… hahaha.</p>
<p dir=ltr>My grandmother used to say that. I laid there and thought about her in the kitchen saying scat and skedaddle to me when I would try and steal a bite of whatever she was cooking. She would always have some  hostess ding dongs in the fridge. I can hear her now, “Put that back! You’re going to ruin your dinner.”  I slowly put it back and she shoos me out of the kitchen. “Now scat! Skedaddle!” haha<br>
HERE’S TO YOU GRANDMA…. Hahah SCAT SKEDADDLE... R.I.P</p>
Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-6866085236703504072014-01-10T08:40:00.003-08:002014-01-10T08:40:52.715-08:0024 hours <br />
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">Today is the day that we start our 24 prayer. I have to be honest, I have been struggling to keep myself on task. I start to pray and then my very undisciplined mine seems to drift off… I am going to keep at it for sure, it's something that I really want to get good at!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: News Gothic MT;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> We had about 66 people sign up. </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">I'm</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> so happy that we got that many. Ya know its </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">interesting,</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> I have over 6000 people following me on Facebook. It seems like they all pray for me often, judging by the </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">comments</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> left on my post. I always get “praying for you” or “lifting you up today” (that's Christian code for praying</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">). I am a doubting Thomas I think … I would love to tell you that I </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">believe</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> it when I read it, but truth is, most of the time I don’t. First off, if you do post that and truly do pray for me … I guess I would say, pray that the Lord changes my heart on that… and if you do post "I'm praying for you" or "You're in my prayers" and don’t pray I aint mad at ya. God knows I have said it myself more than a few times…. Either way … I honestly </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">didn't</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> think we would even get this many people to be a part of the 24 hours of prayer…. It's so exciting.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: News Gothic MT;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">As I have been praying through the list of things this </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">morning</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> and reading I keep coming back to this story of Noah's Ark. I gotta say, I have read through this story about 30 times in the last few weeks. The last blog I did about it was intense for me; really crazy and important for me to get out. Since that time I have noticed a few other things about that story that I just love… they really hit me hard…</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">1 Noah had to do a lot of work</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">Genesis <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1959347794" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">6:22</span></span>:</span><b style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;"> </b><span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">Noah did everything just as God commanded him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">He had to build the ark. Swing a hammer. Get dirty. I love that. This is more how I like to do things. I want to be good at prayer. I want to be able to wait on the Lord and take everything to Him. At the same time, I want to work. I want to be in the game. I think its important to know that when the Lord asks us to do something, it's going to take a lot of hard work.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">The other part I love about it is that He followed the directions. I am not always the best at that. I try and take control and “make it my own” so to speak.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">Then the Lord said to Noah ”come into the Ark…” :Genesis 7:1</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: News Gothic MT;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Now there are a few different </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">translations</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> for this verse. Some say, "Lord said GO" others say, "Come into the ark."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">In my experience, the Lord always seems to invite me in. I really believe the Lord gives us an invitation to be a part of what He is doing…"Come into"... He wants to take us on adventures and do wild, crazy things for His glory. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">The last thing that has really jumped out at me is this story is. </span><span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">Genesis</span><span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 20.909090042114258px;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 20.909090042114258px;"><span><span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1959347795" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">7:16</span></span>:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">“….And the Lord shut him in.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">God shut them into the Ark to protect them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">I talked about this in my blog called The Ark. In the blueprints that God gave to Noah He didn’t give him a rudder or a compass.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">But this verse says it all …God shut them in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: News Gothic MT;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">Or… God was protecting them. God was in control. They didn’t need a rudder. God was </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">steering</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"> the Ark.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">They didn’t need a compass. God was navigating the them through danger and right where they need to go … he was guiding them to land.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: News Gothic MT;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">I got to say now more than ever I feel this is not just a story that I can apply to the project, but also to my life as a </span><span style="font-size: 20.909090042114258px;">Christian</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;">.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">Be obedient.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">God will invite you on an adventure,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">He will get you to the end.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'News Gothic MT'; font-size: 16pt;">As I pray for Uzima and Needle2Square today. I also pray for you. That you won't say no to whatever Adventure the Lord invites you on…</span></div>
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</div>
Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-3576379480504520012014-01-07T15:51:00.000-08:002014-01-07T16:05:34.409-08:00Failure is your time to shine!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;"></span></span><br />
<h3>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I think I talk about this often. Mostly because its
on my mind a lot. I so often have to tell this to people that I meet on this
adventure… I also need to hear it myself … The question that every one
keeps asking me is “what if I fail?” here is my advice or my 2 cents…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I think its common knowledge that its not IF we fail
but WHEN we fail. In fact, I think a better way to think of it is “what do I do
when I fail?”… or even better yet “what do I do AFTER I fail?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">I love how the Bible says it here in Proverbs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Proverbs 24:16 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">16</span><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> for
the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked
stumble in times of calamity<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">What do
you do after you fail. After you Fall. YOU RISES AGAIN<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I really
like the way The Message translates it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">Proverbs
24:16 (The Message) </span><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">16</span><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;"> No
matter how many times you trip them up, God-loyal people don't stay down long;
Soon they're up on their feet, while the wicked end up flat on their
faces. </span><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times;">I heard
this Quote once. “Fail often and early so you can succeed sooner.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">The
idea is after you fail you will be one step closer to succeeding. The reality
is you really do become stronger and smarter. Here is another bonus that you
may not realize. You will absolutely get respect for the people that are
watching you… and you will earn the respect from the people that are afraid to
even step in to a leadership role and try.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">Put
this in you mind and save it for later<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; mso-bidi-font-size: 13.0pt;">FAILURE
IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE<span style="color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-60908775257399731572013-12-26T11:36:00.001-08:002013-12-26T11:36:49.737-08:00Ark
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The Ark</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"></span></div>
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Do you remember Jason Russel.... </div>
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Kony 2012 filmmaker Jason Russell was moving at a frenetic pace, crisscrossing the country doing interviews and making appearances, trying to keep up with the viral success of his campaign.</div>
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And then came the <b>naked</b> <b>public meltdown</b> on a San Diego street that was captured on video.</div>
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He addressed the bizarre incident in a new video he hopes will bring interest and action back to Kony 2012, a campaign that calls for the arrest of alleged Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony.</div>
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"My mind betrayed me and I was hospitalized," Russell said in the new video. "If you're put in the position to give answers to every question a dozen times over, your mind starts to lose track of where you are, if you've slept, who's for you, who's against you."</div>
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Since then I’ve heard him speak and talk about what he went
through. It blows my mind. It puts fear in my heart. It makes me question,
“Lord am I the right guy for this job? Am I ready for the national stage, for
national scrutiny?” I don’t know. It’s scary to think about. You know after
hearing his story I got on my knees and I prayed to God and I wept over this.
Lord protect me. Protect this project. Protect what we’re trying to do here. I
don’t know…</div>
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I’m easily distracted. My heart is fickle.
Beyond that, so many times I want the glory. I want the glory. I want people to
look at me and think "Look at what Steve has done". I was on Skype with Fred the other day,
Fred from Uzima. And he said this, he like, “I’m excited to get done with 60
years of ministry together and to look back at what God has done. To be able stand
together and look back at what God has done over the last 60 years.” And I
gotta tell ya man that was so humbling. It was so exciting. </div>
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I guess my fear is like am I ready for the national stage?
Is this project ready for national scrutiny? Can I handle it? And I don’t know.
I’m scared of it. For the first time in this project I’m actually scared and
it’s not because of a wild beast eating me or getting hit by a car or getting
attacked by somebody or whatever. This is like a legitimate fear of failure. Or
not meeting some standard…or I don’t know…but I’ve been questioning God if I’m
the right man for the job. </div>
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This whole last year the theme was
never say no. Never say no to any request on this project. And I learned a lot
and I got to do a lot. But something I realized was I wasn’t being the capitan
of the ship. I was letting outside influences determine the course of my
project. I wasn’t staying focused on my task. And I need to put boundaries in
place to protect this, to protect the project, to protect myself, to protect
Uzima. Maybe its cynical to think that there are
people or that there are forces working against this project at some level, but
I’m a Christian, I am doing this for the Lord, and I absolutely believe that
the enemy wants to stop what I’m doing and what we’re doing. </div>
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And I think looking at this Jason Russell, Invisible
Children and Joseph Kony thing it hit me. Hard. It put it into perspective. The
reality of what is going on here. If last year was about never say no, this
year is about being a better steward of the project. This year is about being a
better leader. This is about being a better manager of what God has given me
and what’s in front of me. </div>
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You know, I’ve always wanted to be a leader. I think on some
level I’ve always wanted to be leading and the Captain of the ship,
I guess. Soy <span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">capitán! But I think now that I’m here, I realize the cost of
it. I realize that it’s just not about being the one in charge. It’s about
being the one that is responsible for it all. Now I know, listen I’ve heard it
all, I have heard all the, ya know, “with great power comes great
responsibility” or ya know…whatever leadership you can think of, I’ve heard
them. But I’ve never understood it until I was here where there is actual,
legitimate cost. People, the children, the rehab, my best friend,
there is a lot on the line here. Not that I didn’t take it seriously, but I just... Maybe I didn’t see how
fragile it is, I guess. With that said though, with the fear of
being in leadership, with the fear of the national stage, I guess, I am very,
very, very hopeful. Needle2Square is going through some big changes. We’ve had
to grow as the need has grown in Africa. We’re having to change focus a little
bit. Change the focus of the message because things are different now. As the
leaders, as ST and I have talked about it, as my board has talked about it, and
his board, and Fred and I… Ya know, we’re having to make some big changes
because things are changing. The need is changing there over in
Africa. The need has gotten bigger and broader. Ya know, the involvement of
everybody else has opened more possibilities. I’ve needed to
create a better infrastructure for my project a better way of doing things and that’s really
exciting. And I’m very hopeful. And I honestly feel like this is the year. This
is the year that... God’s going to do something and that’s scary.
I’m gonna quickly read something… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;"> I’m going to try
to apply how I feel to a story in the Bible. It’s Noah’s Ark. So God tells Noah
he’s gonna to flood the earth and he says I need you to build an ark. And I’m
going to read to you what God tells him to build. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">First of all, this is the very first boat in the history of
mankind. This is the first ark. And God is giving the plans to Noah. So, God
who knows everything, knows it all, gives the blueprints of building this ark
to Noah. I’m gonna read it and I’m gonna explain how I
feel and what I’m thinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">So it’s Genesis Chapter 6, and verse 14 is where I’m going to
pick up: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">4 </span></sup></b><span style="background: white; color: black;">So make yourself an ark of cypress<b><sup>[</sup></b></span></span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+6#fen-NIV-152c" title="See footnote c"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">c</span></sup></b></a><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">]</span></sup></b></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white; color: black;">wood;</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white; color: black;">make rooms in it and coat
it with pitch</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white; color: black;">inside and out.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">15 </span></sup></b><span style="background: white; color: black;">This is how you are to build it: The ark
is to be three hundred cubits long, fifty cubits wide and thirty cubits high.<b><sup>[</sup></b></span></span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+6#fen-NIV-153d" title="See footnote d"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">d</span></sup></b></a><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">]</span></sup></b></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">16 </span></sup></b><span style="background: white; color: black;">Make a roof for it, leaving below the roof
an opening one cubit<b><sup>[</sup></b></span></span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+6#fen-NIV-154e" title="See footnote e"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">e</span></sup></b></a><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">]</span></sup></b></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white; color: black;">high all around.<b><sup>[</sup></b></span></span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+6#fen-NIV-154f" title="See footnote f"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">f</span></sup></b></a><span class="text"><b><sup><span style="background: white; color: black;">]</span></sup></b></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span></span><span class="text"><span style="background: white; color: black;">Put a door in the side of
the ark and make lower, middle and upper decks.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: black;"> What I find so interesting about this boat. The
very boat that God told him to build, doesn’t have a rudder and it
doesn’t have a compass or even a sail. The very boat, first boat in history doesn’t have a way
to steer, and doesn’t have a way to navigate where you are going. Doesn’t have a
compass. And honestly, that’s how I feel like this project is sometimes. I honestly feel like sometimes Im drifting in flood waters </span></span>“I’m out here, God. I’ve done what
you’ve asked me to do. You didn’t give me the tools I needed to succeed, God.
All I got is this goat. And now I’ve got the Bell’s Palsy. I have to talk; to
be able to communicate CLEARLY. And not look like a crazy person or like I’m
handicapped. My project is already weird enough. I’m walking across America
with a goat and now I got a handicap, now I got this droopy face. God, do you
hear me? I’m doing what you told me to do!" </div>
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And you start thinking, “Did I miss a step? Did I forget something in the blueprints? Did I not hear God right? There’s not the proper tools here! I can’t steer this thing! There’s no wind, there’s no sail. How we gonna get anywhere? There’s no compass! I don’t know where I’m going!”</div>
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Have you ever felt like that? I think about being on the boat; Im Noah and my son Ham comes up and says, “Okay, what’s next? How do we
get there?” You start looking for the steering wheel and everybody is looking
to you for leadership. “How do we steer this thing? How we gonna make this
work? How we gonna get anywhere?” </div>
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right now this is the words that are constantly in the back playing in my head “I’m not raising the money. It’s not working. How ya gonna
do this, Steve?” </div>
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lets go back to the story of the ark.</div>
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What’s the bird that Noah sends out? It’s the dove. And what
is the branch that it brings back? It is the olive branch. And throughout
history what do those represent? In the bible, the dove represents the Holy
Spirit. In the Bible, the olive branch in peace. </div>
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here it is... heres my hope... here is the answer to how Im going to do it...</div>
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All I have is the GOD. Ill I have his the Holy Spirit bringing me peace. It’s gonna
get done. I have no other assurances that is gonna happen. All I have is the
Holy Spirit bringing me peace and that’s it. We’re not raising a lot of money
right now and it can be discouraging. It can be very discouraging. All I have
is the Holy Spirit. All I have is God right now. That’s it. </div>
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<span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: black;">My prayer is that the Lord makes me ready. If the Lord is going to make this thing a national story, if this is going to make it, make it big, then Lord make me ready. <span> </span></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-61623921781393963472013-11-29T12:32:00.001-08:002013-11-29T12:33:11.613-08:00Idaho Springs to Denver<p dir=ltr><br>
Idaho Springs to Denver</p>
<p dir=ltr> Let me update where I'm at in my story... I had left Idaho Springs, CO. Trying to make it as close to Denver as I could get. I knew I was going to have to eventually get on to I70 for a few miles.  On my way out of town, I was able to get on a bike path past the tunnels. It was sweet, it ran next to the river the for about 4 miles. It twisted and turned between two high peeks, with jagged rocks jetting up at the top. As I walk, I always keep an eye out for some of Leroy's favorite things to eat. Its a habit now. Even when he's not with me, I walk over to a bush and stare at it, waiting for LeeRoy to pop his head out from behind me and and start eating what ever bush is in front of me...</p>
<p dir=ltr> In fact, just the other day, as I walking I saw a patch of clovers  and walked up them and just starred waiting for LeeRoy to notice them too...The thing was. LeeRoy wasn't with me. He was at a host home and I was going out to eat with the host family. I laughed and then ran to catch up with the family as they walked into the restraunt hoping they didn't notice I had just stood staring at a patch of clovers for a good 10 seconds with a very confused look on my face. It's almost become an involuntary thing; when I see a bush LeeRoy would love, my body seems to be magnetically drawn...I have to keep reminding my self that LeeRoy is not with me ...</p>
<p dir=ltr> Ok back to the <u>story</u>...<br>
I had been walking through some beautiful territories, and I was loving it. My heart was at peace. I was feeling good. I was feeling strong. About 10 am I started getting so excited. Denver was just around the corner and I wanted to have a successful time. The last big city was Salt Lake, and that didn't go over well, so I was preparing my heart and mind. Also, one thing I have learned is people either love this whole project or hate it--no one is really in the middle. So I have to be prepared for anything. Ya know, looking back now, I remember thinking I was overwhelmed with people and opportunities so often during this journey. The funny thing is that was nothing compared to now. I must say I love it. But I don't think I'm the best with my time.  </p>
<p dir=ltr> So I'm walking on the old 40 highway. The section I'm walking along at the time happens to be a very dangrous part.  The road has lots of twists and turns and that translates in to a lot of blind corners; and I hate, hate, hate that. There was no shoulder to the road so LeeRoy and I take up about 1/4 of the lane. I had made a plan to jump on I-70 because the side roads were just too dangerous.  People kind of freak out when I do that, but just for the record, the safest roads for us are the interstates. They always have really wide shoulders and the rumble strips that not only warn the driver that they have crossed over the line, and it's so loud that it warns me too.  So say what you want, but LeeRoy and I have always felt the safest there. </p>
<p dir=ltr> I always walk facing the traffic... In fact, it's kind of turned in to this OCD kind of thing. I'm walking up the off ramp, onto I-70. This always makes me so nervous. I know I'm not supposed to do this. We are full on walking into traffic. About 1 mile into it, I start to calm down. It is fun to watch the faces of everyone driving by on this 4 lane interstate. Some smile or laugh, some looked shocked, but my favorite are the confused looks. I love to see that look of complete confusion, like "what is that guy doing?", "is that a goat?"-- it's hilarious. Just as I'm settling in and feeling confident in my decision, a police car pulls up in front of me. Before they get out of the car I do 3 things: get my ID out, start taking pictures with my phone, immediately get an attitude. <br>
  <br>
 In hindsight, I know the last one is a bad thing. During that time, I had just had a lot of bad experiences so I feel like I lost respect for police officers.  I don't do that so much anymore. I find you catch more flies with honey than vinegar when it comes to police, and even more than that, I know I can only control myself, not them.  </p>
<p dir=ltr>The officer gets out of the car, and I don't really look at him until he gets right next to me. I was staring at my phone with my hand out holding my id. when he comes up to me and says,<br>
 Police man: howdy. What do you got going on here<br>
 Me: not much just walking with a goat. I said as I looked up with an annoyed look on my face. <br>
 Police man: ya I can see that, and you can't do it on the interstate.<br>
 Before he even finished his sentence I started arguing with him.<br>
 Me: I'm walking across America. We started in Seattle and have walked safely to here, and at times we have been on the interstate.  <br>
 Police man: Well, you can't do it here. You have to get off the interstate. You're going to have to take the back roads.<br>
 Me: I'm telling you it's so much worse on the back roads. There's no shoulders to the road has lots of blind corners.<br>
 Police man:  Yeah, but there's not near as much traffic.<br>
 Me: Yeah, well it only takes one...and we are dead. <br>
 Police man: You have to get off the interstates. <br>
 Me: Yeah, Yeah, ok. I'll get off at the next exit.<br>
 Police man: No, man. You have to go back to that exit, and I will escort you there, He tells me with his hand raised pointing behind me. <br>
 Me: What?! Come on. The next exit is about 2 miles away I'll be there in 30 mins.(That's a lie. It would have taken me more time than that.) <br>
 Police man: Nope, sorry. I can't let you do that.  You have to go back. <br>
 I drop my shoulders and throw them back as I say "Yeah, okay...". </p>
<p dir=ltr>To be continued.....<br>
 </p>
Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-31581339000023290142013-11-14T08:20:00.001-08:002013-11-14T08:20:33.922-08:00I almost gave up on this.<div> As this project has grown people have been saying some amazing things about me. Elevating me to a place that I don't belong. So I’ve been thinking I want to write about the failures. The things I have done wrong since I’ve started this project. I’m not trying to give you a false sense of humility, but I want to start a culture of confession. So you can see how this is truly a miracle of God and has nothing to do with me. I say this often less of me and more of Jesus. It’s so cliché, especially in the Christian community to say “nobody’s perfect,” but I think we all have a class system going on somewhere in our minds when it comes to other Christians we know.</div><div><br></div><div>Now I know what I'm about to say is absolutely wrong thinking ... Again I have read my Bible and I know what it says. But somehow in my mind there is this class system to Christianity. At the top of this pyramid are the” SUPER Christians” like John piper, Francis Chan, Matt Chandler, Chuck Smith and Ken Ortiz. They are pastors or missionaries. I know this isn't true, but in my mind they don't sin; they change Christian culture as we know it through the faith and complete dedication to doin what is right at all cost. The next level I call the “Sheep”. They are Christians defined very generally and generically. They don't cuss, they don't smoke or drink, they didn't vote for Obama, they make their kids wear helmets when they ride their bikes, they only listen to The Fish, K Love or some kind of Christian radio, their biggest sin is speeding or not giving the full 10% of their tithe. Then there is the last group; the crappy Christians. We are the kind of Christian that is smoking out front your church before and after service. We have tattoos; we have some kind of addiction be it porn or drinking or something. We can't remember the last time we tithed. The parental advisory sticker is on half our CDs. Most the time we don't vote at all. We don't consider damn, piss or hell cuss words, and the least of our worries speeding or who to vote for. We are trying to not cheat on our husbands and wives. Trying to make it another day without giving in to whatever our addiction is. We are hoping our girlfriend doesn't get pregnant, if she does get pregnant hoping you have the guts to not have an abortion. And we struggle with believing the entire Bible mainly because we have a lot of gay and lesbian friends.</div><div><br></div><div>Now before you send me hate mail. I'm 95% sure you have your own class system. Most likely based on what your sins are. Think about it.</div><div><br></div><div>I put myself kind of in the middle of Sheep and Crappy Christian . With one foot firmly planted in Crappy Christian ... And more of dipping my big toe in the sheep category ... Kind of like testing the water to see how warm it is. I would say More than ever before I live my life by the moral compass of the Bible. But it for sure isn't cause I willed it or I got my self together. I know is only from begging God to change me. He's done it not me. </div><div><br></div><div> We look up those who are trying to do things in the name of the Gospel. We put them on pedestals. Again, I hate clichés, but it’s true. We put them on pedestals and expect perfection. When they fall.p. we are right there to kick when there down! Side note—I swear to you, every scandalous pastor that has cheated on his wife and has been ostracized by his church, I desperately want to go be his friend. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that what they did should be ignored and not dealt with, but let’s stop eating our own, if "tough love" isn't working. Try something else. To be clear I do believe in church discipline, but let’s not abandon our leaders when they fall. Let the leadership do what we trust them to do and let us as the church love that guy. Bring him closer not push him away. One of the huge things I see all the time is there is always room for the victim, but there’s never room for the sinner, the victimizer. I’ll explain. Going back to my cheater example. A man cheats on his wife. The church rallies around the wife. She is the victim. I say yes and amen to that, but let’s not forget the husband. Let’s rally around him. Who is going to go get him? Who is going to fight for him? Is it you? </div><div><br></div><div>I feel like when you want to see a change you have got to be the change, you’ve got to start with you and that is what this is about. When you constantly hide things, you become a slave to it. You give it power over you. I don’t want the failures of this walk to constantly keep beating me more than they already have. I want to empower others to not let their past control their future.</div><div><br></div><div>I definitely am a different man than when I started this project and I am so grateful for that. Being transparent is definitely not my strong suit. I am always so afraid of what everybody can do to me. I am so afraid of discrediting myself, discrediting ST’s ministry, what he started. The reality is, I really want you to get this.</div><div><br></div><div>I’m trying to love Jesus more than my reputation.</div><div>I want to love Jesus more than my creditability.</div><div><br></div><div>So from time to time, I’m going to be sharing my failures and not for entertainment, but so you can see what it looks like to take yourself out of the spotlight and put the focus completely on Jesus. It's not about my glory but about His glory.</div><div><br></div><div>I’m not trying to put on this fake spirituality. I am in a place of sharing the gospel all the time, but not sharing it from the podium. Instead, I sharing it from the mud.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>God can use anyone. The clearest picture I can give you is my life. My hope in telling you about my failures and weakness is that you are able see the glory of God and His ability to use anyone. </div><div><br></div><div>About this time last year towards the end of my walking I made some really stupid mistakes. Somebody once told me that when you start something, make your mistakes early and often so you can move onto the successful part. In all honesty, I wish I could have avoided making mistakes completely”. This story is going to surround some events that happened when I was in the Salt Lake area. I’m not even going to tell the whole story; I’m going to give a rough outline. Again my point is not to entertain you with gruesome facts, but to show you a culture of confession and point to God.</div><div><br></div><div>When I started this walk I had this vision of me being a hero. Of me being the good guy. And what I’m starting to realize is that my story is more like a Pharisee meets the Prodigal Son. I say often that I’m more like Judas than John, but I didn’t know that until I was alone with myself and God. The first part of this trip was just this constant revealing of how wicked my heart was, from Seattle to Salt Lake was probably some of the ugliest times of my life and then discovering how selfish, prideful, egotistical and trying to look good at any cost I was. This trip as been very revealing. Haha.</div><div>I started falling back into old behaviors when I was in Salt Lake and I started drinking pretty heavily. One day I’m in downtown Salt Lake in a place I shouldn’t be with people I shouldn’t be with, drinking and trying to live it up, so to speak. I wasn’t drunk; fortunately by the grace of God I was limiting myself. But in the process, that night, the cops took my goat. I don’t think what they did was right, I was there, I was sober. I wasn’t breaking the law. I had done nothing wrong on a legal standpoint. But the reality was, I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I was at a bar. I was indulging in this lifestyle. Long story short, it worked out, I got my goat back the next day. But there were so many rumors flying around. Some of them truth, most of them not. All that was playing in my head was what would this person say about me or what would that person say, how would this look. I started hiding. I was trying to hide from God. I was trying to hide from the world. I had been caught being myself. I was so ashamed. I started drinking every night, trying to find relief from the shame with a bottle. I turned to girls, I turned to alcohol, I turned to hiding. It was just a downward spiral. On top of it all, what was killing me the most was that I felt like I was failing these kids. I failed ST. All the people that put hope and trust in me that I failed them all. And I could just not bear the weight of that. For a couple of weeks there I literally drank until I passed out every night. I just I felt like I was allowed to be a part of this incredible project and I was ruining it.</div><div><br></div><div>The real reason I quit was not just the cold weather. I needed to be rescued. I needed to get away. I needed to be saved. I had to go back home and get with people that could set me straight. Eventually I made my back to Spokane. The Lord spoke to my heart through the Word. I was at a church service. I don't even remember a single word the pastor said. But I remember the Bible verses : John 5 :11 I pulled it up on my phone bible app. It's a short conversation between a sick man and Jesus . What Jesus said was in read letters and they cut straight to the heart of me.</div><div><br></div><div>When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath. (John 5:6-9 ESV)</div><div><br></div><div>The story is so amazing. Here is what happened as I sat in that chair at church.</div><div>Jesus: Steve, do you want to be healed?</div><div>Me, the sick man: Yes, desperately but I have already messed this up.</div><div>Jesus: Get up, take up you bed and walk.</div><div><br></div><div>And the best part of the story "and at once he was healed" read it again.</div><div><br></div><div>Do you know what sickness God healed me from? My shame. The paralyzing shame I felt. It almost cost me everything. He healed me from my shame of that failure back in Salt Lake.</div><div><br></div><div>Take up your bed and walk.</div><div><br></div><div>Those words were approval to me. I felt Jesus say, “I can still use you.” That verse might as well said pick up your bed and walk across America.</div><div><br></div><div>Even now I cry over this story. I want to speak to you directly. Jesus has the power to heal your guilt and your shame. It's time for you to pick up your bed and walk.</div>Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7717902415624172421.post-45279199983083780052013-11-11T14:29:00.001-08:002013-11-11T14:30:01.023-08:00Monday Blues<div>I remember hearing this quote, "The greatest tragedy of life is that you don't remember it all".</div><div><br></div><div> That is soo how I feel right now. Not just with this project but my entire life. I have been able to do so much and see so much of the world. In my short 34 years of life I have lived enough adventures for 5 life times. The thing is, it all reads in my head like a check list or a bucket list. Lines on a resume more than vivid pictures of what happened and all the details in save somewhere in my mind.</div><div><br></div><div>That said here are some memories I have seemed to keep safe in my mind. There is this term I learned in bible college. "Monday blues". The idea is that a lot of pastors spend most of their time pouring out all week and Sunday they have the final push to empty themselves and serve the body of believers. By Sunday night, they are emotionally drained and on Monday the get the blues. Not because the message didn't go well; it may have been the best message they have ever given. Its just .... emptiness. They have poured themselves out.</div><div><br></div><div>My friend Sarah told me about it. She chaged my life and has been one of the most influential people when it comes to sharing my faith. She showed me how it was done and would always put me in positions to do the work with my own hands. Early on in our friendship we had some crazy times of ministry. There was this one week I'll never forget. She had me sharing at a youth detention center, then the next day we were downtown feeding the homeless at the Union Gosple Mission. That Sunday night she had me doing childcare at the church while she taught a class. Everytime we went anywhere she always seemed to find someone down and out and we would end up in some dark ally praying for someone. </div><div><br></div><div>I was seeing the gospel being lived out in her and through her. That same Sunday night we were driving across a bridge that went over the I-5 freeway. I saw a lady about to jump off the bridge so I yelled STOP THE CAR. We both jumped out and ran over to her. We talked to her; Sarah and I tag teaming the conversation. The lady was clearly talking to Sarah way more than me so I walked away to call the police. While on the phone, Sarah was standing between her and the edge of the bridge with her arms spread trying to not let her jump. I ran back over to help talk to her till the authorities got there. They ended up taking her to the hospital to get evaluated. The very next day after class Sarah and I went to this Thai restaurant for lunch. I was bummed and she could see it. That's when she told me about the Monday blues. Sarah pointed me to Jesus... "dude this is how it's done. You give all you got and then when your spent you get alone with Jesus and He fills you up. The trick is to get alone with Him on a daily basis. It makes the Monday blues a little easier to deal with". I can't tell you how many times those words have played in my mind. A process I'm still trying to perfect.</div><div><br></div><div>Reflecting back on those times is defenetly something I needed to do. Like a refresher course. I need to pray with more people.</div><div><br></div><div> Anyway .....The last 2 weeks have been nothing short of amazing. The most successful time in spreading the word of what we are trying to do. Our story has been picked up by the Associated Press (AP) and out of that local stations all over the nation have been running our story. Even CNN picked up our story. An amazing blessing and wonderful opportunity. I can't even put into words how much joy this brings me!</div><div><br></div><div>With the this new national attention comes sooooooo many messages, emails, phone calls and text messages. I literally don't have a second to myself. Now when I'm stopped on the street it's not just 2-3 people but 10-15 people. Cars line up in parking lots as I walk by them and its game time. And I have been at the top of my game! Flawless. It took me 6 hours to walk 2 miles the other day. And I'm honestly proud of that. I have answers for just about every question including the wired ones. I can hand anyone that comes my way. I've learned how to navigate all the conversations and bring it back to Jesus and Uzima Outreach. I can deescalate the haters and handle the weirdos. Treating them all with respect while keeping it fun and informational. I know what I'm doing now.</div><div><br></div><div>But it takes a lot of work to do it all and it comes at a price. I am "on" 100% of the time now. So today I'm empty. And have a touch of the Monday blues.</div><div><br></div><div>There is a song that has destroyed me today... Left me a crying mess... It's by a band called filter - the song is called take a picture. Here's a few lines from it.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Can everyone agree that no one should be left alone</div><div>Can everyone agree that they should not be left alone</div><div>And I feel like a newborn</div><div>And I feel like a newborn (kicking and screaming)</div><div><br></div><div>Could you take my picture</div><div>Cause I won't remember</div><div>Could you take my picture</div><div>Cause I won't remember</div><div>Could you take my picture</div><div>Cause I won't remember</div><div>Could you take my picture</div><div>Cause I won't remember - yeah</div><div><br></div><div>Hey dad what do you think about your son now?</div><div>Hey dad what do you think about your son now?</div><div><br></div><div>The cord progression and tones of the guitar are prefect and very moving. I love the melody too.</div><div><br></div><div>"Could take my picture cause I won't remember "</div><div><br></div><div>And the bridge kills me! In fact, I looked up the words and lost it. The very second I glanced through not even reading the words I just saw the word dad and started crying like a little child. The singer pushes his voice to a yell and it's soooo emotional.... I feel the tension in every note and word.</div><div><br></div><div>"Hey dad what do you think about your son now?"</div><div><br></div><div>When I'm empty when I'm poured out. I'm always left with this feeling. It's almost like its in my DNA.</div><div><br></div><div>1 I'm a lone wolf that desperately wants a pack.</div><div><br></div><div>2 I so badly wish I could remember and celebrate the successes of my life.</div><div><br></div><div>3 I want someone to be proud of me. Well not just someone... I want a dad to be proud of me. Not my step day cause he's a tool! My real father... who is dead. But I do hope he would be. And even though I have looked for a "father figure" in my life it has never worked out. Even though my father is dead, I don't want to betray him in anyway by trying to have someone less try and take his place in my heart. And thank God for that because when I really think about it, I truly just want Jesus to be proud of me. Not a man.</div><div><br></div><div>Being alone with Jesus is the only way to cure the Monday blues.</div><div><br></div><div>Now all glory to God, who is able to make you strong, just as my Good News says..... (Romans 16:25 NLT)</div><div><br></div>Needle2Squarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06647302077395741706noreply@blogger.com1